


How Thor Got Inside Bruce Banner (And Not in the Fun Way)

by Blizzard_Fire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: """Platonic""" Sex, Anal Sex, Awkward Sex, Awkwardness, BAMF Bruce Banner, BAMF Thor (Marvel), Bodyswap, Bottom Thor, Breakfast dates, Bruce & Hulk Interaction, Bruce Banner & Jane Foster - Freeform, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Bruce Banner-centric, Bruce and Jane are besties, Bruce can ride a motorbike, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Humor, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Porn With Plot, Protective Bruce Banner, Role Reversal, Sex Magic, Slow Burn, Talking Hulk, Thor (Marvel) Loves Pop-Tarts, Thor Hulks Out, Thor pretends to understand science, Top Bruce Banner, showering together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:23:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzard_Fire/pseuds/Blizzard_Fire
Summary: Bruce and Thor swap bodies and there's only one way to change back. But it's justplatonicmagical sex, right?In which Bruce is an oblivious cinnamon roll, Thor is the king of mixed signals and Doctor Strange thinks they should just fuck already.





	1. Highway To Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s finally here! Thought it would be fun to write a bodyswap fic, then it got me thinking about Bruce and Thor themselves and the “roles” they play … so uh some plot crept in. This monster was 10k before starting edits, so buckle up. No idea where in the canon this belongs, but there's some canon divergence from Assemble and basically everyone just lives in Stark Tower.

‘Waffle burgers?’ Thor frowned as if this was the strangest thing he’d ever heard.

‘Trust me.’ Bruce drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, enjoying the cool air drifting in through the rolled-down windows. It was a beautiful sunny morning in Manhattan, which matched his mood perfectly. Tony had a million spare cars but they always took the same one. Not wanting to draw attention to themselves, Bruce had selected the smallest, most unassuming car that he could find. Which happened to be a luxurious silver Audi R8 with a STARK 4 number plate. ‘It’s two waffles – big thick waffles – then beef in the middle, cheese, and icing.’ His mouth watered. ‘Picture all of that, _doused_ in syrup.’

Thor chuckled. ‘Well, if you say it is a Midgardian delicacy then it must be so.’

It had been years since Bruce had eaten a waffle burger, and this morning he’d woken up with a smile on his face and a craving for something fried and sugar-coated.

Bruce put his foot down, enjoying the bass growl of the engine vibrating beneath his feet. A whole Saturday with nothing to do: no dangerous experiments, no alien invasions, no threats to the fabric of reality. Just a humble quest for an artery-clogging breakfast with his favourite Norse god.

As he drove, Bruce snuck a glance at the man beside him. Thor was staring out of the window, dressed in his favourite oversized grey hoodie and jeans. With his blond hair tied back in a ponytail, he looked like any other human out to get takeout for breakfast. Well, aside from being unnervingly handsome of course. But Bruce wasn’t going to point that out.

‘Back on Asgard,’ said Thor, ‘roasted boar is the most popular food for feasts. It never occurred to us to put it between two pieces of bread.’

Bruce snorted. ‘No burgers on Asgard. No sandwiches either?’

‘Alas, no.’ Thor laced his fingers together and placed them behind his headrest. ‘Your cuisine is much more imaginative. Waffles… and burgers. You’re sure the combination works?’

‘Hey, trust the guy with seven PhDs.’

‘Mmm. You always say that.’ Thor closed his eyes, the wind playing with a strand of hair that had pulled loose from his ponytail. ‘I’d trust you even if you had no PhDs.’

It was cheesy, but Bruce still found himself grinning. ‘You’re buttering me up. This place is great. I promise.’

‘You don’t need to convince me.’ Thor opened an eye. ‘I’m merely happy to be in your company. If something is worthy of your attention then it is worthy of mine.’

Bruce looked away, heat rising to his cheeks. He didn’t need to look at the road at all – this car practically drove itself – but it gave him an objective other than _gaze at Thor’s face_. ‘Think they’d give us an Avenger’s discount? Actually, scratch that. They’d probably charge you half and me double.’

They sped across the city. Bruce spotted a billboard advertising a hip-hop festival in Harlem. Last time he’d been there he’d… broken a lot of it. In fact, he was still banned from visiting. It had been nearly three months since the last “incident”, and even then Hulk had only trashed some empty cars in a parking lot.

There was no denying it: Bruce’s life had improved greatly since he’d joined the Avengers. Once they’d stopped Loki’s plot with the Tesseract, Tony had offered Bruce a permanent job as consultant scientist (with basically unlimited funding). Bruce had practically bitten his hand off. After five years on the run being hunted by General Ross and his goons, he could sleep at night without fear of being kidnapped. He had a room, and a lab, and _his own bathroom_. Even better than that, he had a family. Albeit a slightly dysfunctional one. His stomach was doing happy little flips that Thor was in the car with him and wanted to be there.

Totally platonic stomach flips, of course.

‘Hey JARVIS,’ he said, ‘the usual playlist.’

_‘Of course, sir.’_ The screen on the dashboard flashed up: _Now playing: Team GammaHammer Ultimate Playlist 3_.

‘I added a couple new ones. See what you think.’

It had started not long after the Avengers had first assembled. After the shwarma, it became a semi-regular thing for the six of them to go out for food. One week it was noodles, the next it was sushi. But then Natasha was busy one week. Then Clint got sick after some bad shellfish and started making excuses not to go. Tony and Steve had duties and stopped coming. And one day it was just the two of them, and Bruce couldn’t pretend he was just going along with the team anymore.

‘I don’t know this one,’ Thor said as an upbeat drums-and-guitar intro reverberated through the thousand-dollar sound system.

‘Yeah you do. Come on, you’ve been on Earth for three years, you know _Chelsea Dagger_.’

Thor bopped his head experimentally, frowning. ‘All the openings sound the same...’

Bruce joined in with the _do-do-do-do_ s to jog his memory. It turned out Thor didn’t know it, but he riffed enthusiastically on an imaginary lute whilst Bruce fumbled through the verses, and by the end he was shouting along with the chorus.

Thor chuckled as the song ended. ‘Marvellous. Who is the bard?’

Bruce glanced at the dash. ‘Uh, the Fratellis.’

‘That one stays on the list.’

The next track was _Immigrant Song_. Thor’s favourite, of course. He snapped awake instantly, sitting up straight in his seat. His powerful voice turned the _aaaahhhhs_ into a godly warcry, so loud that neighbouring drivers drew alongside them to see who was being murdered in Tony Stark’s car.

‘If I were ever to have a theme song,’ Thor yelled, turning the volume up higher, ‘it would be this. Or if I could hear it playing as I bested my enemies in battle – ‘

‘This is your fight scene music?’

‘This is my fight scene music.’ He threw his head back. ‘ _OUR ONLY GOAL WILL BE THE WESTERN SHOARRR! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!’_

Bruce laughed so hard he nearly missed a turning. On these stolen mornings together, he could pretend they were just two ordinary guys out to get food. It was the happiest he’d been since... well, since before the other guy had showed up.

It really said something when your new normal was getting takeout in a billionaire’s car with the god of thunder.

‘Why are you smiling?’ Thor asked, turning down the volume as the song finished.

Bruce tried to stop, and only ended up smiling wider. He was glad this car had auto drive or he’d have crashed it by now. Thor just gazed patiently back, an answering half smile on his lips. He looked so peaceful slouched in the plush leather seat. More at home here than he’d ever be on an Asgardian throne.

‘Nothing. Just…’ It felt odd to say it aloud, like it was a contradiction to everything else that had happened in his life. He pressed his lips together and looked away. ‘I’m happy, Thor,’ he said softly. ‘I’m really happy.’

It had taken him a while. But the Avengers had earned his trust, and for the first time he felt like he’d found a place where he was _understood_. Betty had tried to but she just didn’t have the shared experiences. It turned out saving the world together created a special sort of bond. Keeping the Hulk at bay was easier these days. It felt like he was actually healing.

When Bruce reached for the gearstick, a warm hand rested on his. ‘I’m glad you’re happy.’

A flush of heat crept up Bruce’s neck. He kept his eyes trained on the road, but all of his awareness was trained on Thor’s thumb, which ran gently down the back of his wrist and settled at the base of his palm. Did this count as holding hands? That was the trouble with befriending an Asgardian: Bruce had no idea what counted as platonic touching. Thor was a tactile guy, always patting shoulders and giving manly one-armed hugs. To anyone else, Thor gave off serious mixed signals. And that played havoc with Bruce’s self-control.

Eventually Thor withdrew his hand to fiddle with the music and Bruce very quietly let out a breath. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about wanting more from their friendship. Far from it, actually. Tony often joked about their breakfast “dates” but he was dangerously close to something Bruce barely admitted to even himself.

But Bruce was good at being grateful for what he had. Plus, he’d never seen Thor take an interest in anyone since Jane. He wasn’t about to ruin a good thing by asking for more. Friends didn’t come by often, and he was hoping to hold onto this one in particular.

They slowed to a halt at the end of a queue stretching all the way up the road. He could be content with this: a simple friendship, built on fast food breakfasts, a cheesy rock playlist, and a mutual desire to keep the world safe.

Midway through _Highway to Hell_ , the song cut out and the screen on the dashboard lit up with only two words: _incoming call.  
_

And Bruce knew the day was ruined.

_‘Sorry to interrupt your cosy little coffee date._ ’ Tony’s voice rumbled through the surround speakers. He didn’t sound particularly sorry _. ‘But there’s a team of elemental assholes heading your way and they’re pissed.’_

‘Shit.’ Bruce noticed that the traffic ahead was at a standstill, queued across the junction even though the lights were on red. ‘We’re jammed up here. What do we do?’ 

_‘Nothing for now. I’m trying to get the area clear. Strange is gonna go take a closer look but it doesn’t look pretty.’_ Rumbling in the background from Tony’s suit. Bruce felt it shaking his insides. ‘ _Hope you haven’t eaten yet_.’

All he’d wanted was a quiet Saturday with Thor. His good mood evaporated so quickly he wanted to cry. He’d been doing so well. Now Tony was going to tell him to suit up and he’d wake up in a haze of devastation wondering how many had died because of him –

_‘Brucie, how you holding up?’_

‘I’m fine.’ He held on tightly to the steering wheel, keeping his breathing even and ignoring Thor’s concerned stare. ‘What about the others?’

_‘On their way. Shit_ – ‘ A distant explosion. Bruce saw a flash of fire in the distance, quickly followed by a rolling wave of smoke. _‘I’m not sure what we’re dealing with here but it might be best if you boys sit this one out.’_

‘You sure?’ Relief and guilt warred inside him.

_‘This isn’t a smashing kind of job. I need you calm and I need you out of the line of fire.’_

He sighed. ‘Got it.’

‘I will look after Bruce,’ Thor promised, with a hand on his shoulder.

_‘I’ll keep you updated. Stark out._ ’ The line went dead.

Bruce put the car into neutral. ‘Doesn’t look like we’re going anywhere soon.’ The lights were stuck on red, and either way they weren’t moving. His friends were in danger and he could do nothing to help. ‘Thor, you go. You don’t need to babysit me.’

Thor peered out of the window, straining to see the front of the queue. But when he looked back his face was set with grim determination. ‘I am staying with you,’ he growled, and Bruce's heart definitely didn't flutter.

‘It’s - it’s fine.’ He waved vaguely in the direction of the trailing smoke. ‘I get it. We have work to do. Go save the city.’ Oh yeah. Thor _was_ saving the city. By keeping Bruce calm.

He wasn’t doing a good job of it by leaning in close enough to kiss him. ‘You are important to me, Bruce,’ he said firmly, gripping his knee with a large hand. ‘And I am not leaving you alone.’ His blue eyes bore into his until Bruce was sure he knew what he was thinking.

But he found he couldn’t look away. He licked his lips nervously and Thor’s eyes flicked down to follow the motion, his own lips twitching. Then he looked back up at Bruce. And he smiled.

Then the rock hit the car.

The impact threw them sideways through the air, setting off the airbags. Everything spun around them: ground and sky and broken glass. For a moment they seemed to float, wind whistling through the open windows.

The car slammed into the ground, rolled and fell still.

There was ringing in his ears. Bruce blinked through the daze, feeling sleepy. There was blood running down his face – no, _up_ his face. His arms dangled above his head. _We’re in a car accident_ , he thought hazily, which wasn’t strictly true. Then he realised someone was shaking him.

‘Bruce? Bruce, stay with me.’ Thor’s hand grasped his. ‘Deep breaths, come on. We’re going to be alright.’ They’d landed upside-down at the side of the road. The traffic lights were reflected in a store window, red filling his vision.

‘My blood.’ The words felt delayed as they left his mouth. ‘Gotta clean it up. S’got gamma poisoning…’

‘Bruce. Breathe.’

Bruce tried. But the seatbelt was a line of iron across his chest. It brought back memories of being strapped to a table, powerless and in pain.

The lights turned green.

Bruce’s shouts deepened as his muscles ripped through his shirtsleeves like watermelons, his head pressing down into the roof of the car. The rage descended upon him, then Bruce Banner was no more.

All he’d wanted was a goddamn waffle burger.

 

 

Thor was thrown clear as the Hulk exploded from the car, seatbelts trailing from his broad shoulders. He roared at the sky.

Thor rolled clear and stood, spitting blood. He’d bitten his tongue and now its metallic taste filled his mouth. To a god, a car crash was a flea bite. Didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed about it.

The car was a wreck. The driver-side door was dented as though the Hulk himself had punched it, but there was no sign of the rock that had hit them. Other cars were strewn around the site, people struggling to get out.

‘HULK SMASH YOU!’ Hulk roared, turning towards the smoke that was still rising up in the distance. And with a final half-hearted punch at the ruins of Tony’s car, he launched onto all fours and took off towards the battle.

Thor cursed, but stayed behind to rescue the injured. He spotted Bruce’s cellphone on the sidewalk, the screen cracked. Tony was calling. He answered. ‘Stark, we have a problem.’

_‘Shit. Stay with him. I’ve already got you-know-who sniffing around, last thing he needs is a clear shot at Hulk. We’ll tackle the heat, just try and uh –’_

‘Minimise the damage?’ He was already running in the direction Hulk had taken.

_‘We’re all tied up here. Your only priority right now is Bruce_.’ The line went dead.

‘Same as always, then,’ Thor muttered, holding up his hand and leaping into the air. The second Mjolnir touched his hand there was a flash of lightning, then he was hurtling through the sky in full battle armour. There were craters all along the road up ahead, but the damage didn’t look too severe. He followed the patches of flattened trees and cars, desperate for a glimpse of the Hulk.

Bruce had been so happy today. Thor’s heart broke for him. Everyone had been quietly pleased with how well he was doing. Their weekend breakfasts had become Thor’s favourite days and he wouldn’t miss them for anything. But Tony had also quietly instructed everyone that Bruce was not to go out on his own. Thor had only been more determined that nothing would spoil Bruce’s newfound happiness.

He hadn’t counted on these so-called elemental assholes.

He urged Mjolnir on faster. Up ahead, there were screams and flashes of coloured light. A group of humans wearing robes was gathered in the middle of the park, forming one giant glowing shield as they hurled bolts of energy into the skirmish. Tony was flying high above, trying to get a better shot. The Hulk had reached the edge of the fight and was ripping up trees to hurl.

_‘What did I say about keeping him out of trouble?’_ said Tony as he zipped past. _‘Strange, this is your territory. How do we tackle this?’_

‘ _We_ don’t.’ Doctor Strange was in the middle of it all, throwing up shields and weapons and counter-spells. These enemies were wizards like him, Thor realised. ‘You stay clear and you let me do the fighting.’

_‘Well, that’s not very sportsmanlike. Point Break, batter up!’_

Thor landed with a flash of lightning. The air was thick with flashes of light and energy; he barely deflected one as it came towards him. He pointed his hammer at the shield and directed a stream of crackling electricity. The runic symbols flickered, the shield weakening.

Hulk roared. Thor noted with interest that throwing a tree at someone still hurt when you were an evil wizard. He threw his hammer and knocked a couple down. The spells seemed to bounce off Hulk’s thick green hide. He growled, smashing his arms down on the weakened shield. It fizzled and died. He grabbed the nearest magician and flung him across the park. The man opened a glowing portal and disappeared before he hit the ground.

Encouraged, Hulk threw another tree trunk at the shiny flying thing. Unfortunately said flying thing happened to be Tony, and he barely dodged in time, branches clipping him as it sailed past.

‘Get him out of here!’ Strange snapped, stopping the tree and lowering it to the ground before returning to the fight. ‘He’ll get us all killed.’

But nothing could be done. Hulk was worked to a frenzy, enraged further by these clever puny things who could shield against him. One hit him with a blast of force, sending him staggering backwards.

Tony’s voice crackled through Bruce’s phone. _‘Nat, where’s your group? I need you guys here now. We’ve got space wizards blowing up Central Park.’_

Thor leapt up, charging a blast with Mjolnir to send them all flying.

A web of energy ensnared him before he could make it, setting his nerve endings alight. He fell boneless to the the ground, thrashing uncontrollably. It was like electricity, but worse. Like the magic was working through him, up into his brain, until he could see its conjurer staring into him. _Interesting_ , she crooned.

‘NO HURT TINY AVENGER!’

Hulk leapt across Thor’s field of view, grabbing the magician and bashing her against the ground. Orange sparks flew as she hastily conjured a shield.

‘Hulk, stop!’

A blue light was creeping in at the edges of his vision. Something bad was about to happen. Strange looked up sharply as if he could sense it, but he was tied up fighting four other wizards.

The conjurer went limp. Hulk held her up and sniffed curiously at the tendrils of light snaking down her arms. They were arcing rough the air like veins, curling around Hulk’s huge arms. 

Thor’s body was on fire. He tried to motion to the others but he didn’t feel quite in control of his limbs. For a moment it was like he was somewhere else, watching events unfold behind a pair of eyes but unable to do anything. ‘Hulk!’ he bellowed. ‘Let go!’

Hulk growled at him, then threw the wizard. Thor saw a flash of a smirk as she opened her arms.

The explosion threw him into the air. He saw Hulk fly off somewhere in the opposite direction. He had a strange floating feeling, as if he was somehow leaving his body. And then he drifted away, unconscious before he hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to do some research for this one! Watched the Incredible Hulk for Bruce's backstory and combed Doctor Strange for a plausible way to bodyswap them. (And thank you Iron Man Wiki for the list of all Tony Stark's on-screen cars!) Bruce always seems like a bit of a grump in the early films, but watch that scene where he tries to lift Thor's hammer and tell me he doesn't have a hidden goofy side.
> 
> New tags will be added per chapter so keep an eye (nothing scary just maybe the occasional reference to Bruce's troubled past). Fic is drafted (mostly) so I'll upload as they're edited :D


	2. Where's Your Head At

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys wake up in their new bodies and everyone is baffled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I caved and made a YouTube account! So if you wanna have a look at the boys' GammaHammer playlist it's up there, and I posted a cracky lil Thor/Bruce thing because this ship is slowly consuming me: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiifv8eah4ChcgRnH8Grm-A
> 
>  Warning for brief mentions of throwing up.

Bruce always felt like shit after he de-Hulked.

The pain would return first: a dull, bone-deep ache combined with the feeling that his skin was too tight. Then came the nausea and the stomach cramps, shortly followed by a nagging sense of dread at what he'd done but couldn't quite remember. But today it felt like he’d just woken from a nice nap.

‘Hey, wake up! Can you hear me?’ Someone was shaking him. Bruce opened his eyes.

Steve knelt beside him, peering anxiously into his face. ‘What happened? We got here just in time to see you get blasted across the park.’ He offered a hand to help him up. Bruce would have preferred something to cover his dignity, but whatever. Everyone had seen his dick; it was practically how he met people these days. There was a whole subreddit dedicated to sharing photos of his bare ass. Whenever their WhatsApp group got too quiet Tony would gleefully share the link to r/bannerbutt.

The hand that reached for Steve’s was pale, and attached to a muscular arm. ‘That’s not my hand,’ Bruce slurred.

‘I got you.’ Steve grasped it and hauled him to his feet. Bruce staggered and nearly fell again. He felt… heavier than usual. Oh god. Something bad had happened. Maybe he’d got stuck mid-transformation and that’s why Steve was looking at him oddly. ‘You okay? You look… ill.’

No shit. That was how he always looked. ‘I feel weird.’ His voice emerged deeper than usual, rumbling in his lungs. Something _had_ gone wrong. He was taller than Steve!

‘Let’s get you back to Stark Tower. I don’t know what those guys hit you with but we’d better get you checked out.’ He looped Bruce’s arm over his shoulders and helped him over to the car parked haphazardly on the grass. Oh yeah, the car crash. Maybe he wouldn’t mention that to Tony just yet. Fuck, he needed a waffle burger more than ever now.

It was hard to walk when his legs were so long. Why was he wearing armour – or anything, for that matter? He could feel a headache coming on.

They bundled into the car along with Clint and Nat, who gave him encouraging nods. Bruce fumbled with the seat belt with his big hands until Steve sat beside him and buckled him in.

‘Everyone ready?’ Clint called from the driver’s seat.

Nat glanced around. ‘Stark?’

‘Gone back with Strange to collect Banner and do damage control.’

Bruce looked around and realised someone else was missing. ‘What about Thor? Where’s he?’

Everyone stared at him. Bruce’s heart sank and he feared the worst. If Hulk had hurt him…

Steve rested a hand on his shoulder. ‘Thor, are you okay?’

 

 

Thor was naked.

He didn’t remember falling asleep naked. Or being in a fight naked. He blinked blearily up at the sky and waited for everything to stop spinning. It didn’t. When he tried to sit up, a wave of nausea overcame him and he curled up on his side, retching. He was lying in a park and it was freezing. Why had he never noticed how cold it was in New York before? He tried to remember how he’d ended up losing his clothes during the fight against the crazed space wizards but came up blank.

Thor looked down. ‘That’s not my penis,’ he muttered.

Actually, his whole body wasn’t his. This one had tanned skin and dark curly chest hair. His hands were small and scarred, with slim fingers ending in short-bitten nails. Some vestigial deception from the sorcerers? But Thor had a brother who specialised in trickery of the mind. This was no illusion.

When the dizziness finally subsided, Thor stood up. Everything ached; it was as if he’d gone three rounds with the Hulk and lost. Which of course would never happen.

But his body was definitely weaker than usual. He found himself shivering as he picked his way over the grass, stepping over the occasional unconscious wizard. He snagged a lost cloak from a tree branch and draped it around himself, grateful for some protection from the wind. He’d felt so cosy in the car.

Thor surveyed the park. There was plenty of evidence that Hulk had been here but no sign of the man himself. It had been such a nice morning, too. And now after all of Tony’s warnings, Bruce was wandering around on his own in the cold. Or worse. Nothing else mattered; he needed to find him immediately.

But after several long minutes of searching there was no sign of any of the Avengers and his headache was getting worse, so he sank onto a bench and tried to gather his thoughts. The magicians must be powerful indeed if they could reduce an Asgardian to a shivering wreck. He would resume the search in a moment. So tired…

When he looked up, two armed officials were approaching him. Thor relaxed. ‘Ah, hello! Listen, I know there was a lot of damage but to be fair we did save the city from a group of magical maniacs. So erm, you’re welcome.’ He gave them his best winning smile. It was a good smile. It worked on a lot of people.

The men didn’t smile back. ‘Doctor Banner?’ said one.

Thor stared at them. ‘Uh, no?’

‘We need you to come with us.’

‘Why, am I under arrest?’ He’d like to see them try. Although his queasy stomach wasn’t too keen on the idea of another fight.

‘Let’s not make a scene here.’ They each grabbed an arm. And it _hurt_. ‘We don't want to cause a panic.’

Thor struggled. They held on tighter. ‘Get off!’ His voice came out higher than he’d intended. ‘I’m the god of thunder you idiots. Do you really want to piss me off?’ But they weren’t listening and with growing horror Thor realised that they were going to win. Two mortals that he should have taken down in one swing. Either he’d been drugged or there was some advanced magic at play here. They forced him to his knees. His head collided with the side of the metal bench and stars popped in front of his eyes.

‘You probably don’t wanna do that, fellas.’ A voice echoed down from above, and then the metal boots of Iron Man hit the ground and marched into Thor’s eyeline. ‘Is there a problem here?’

‘Tell them to unhand me before I call down a storm,’ he growled. It didn’t sound as threatening as he’d hoped. His voice came out different: softer, with a more nasal quality. The men pulled Thor up. His vision lurched.

‘He was causing a disturbance,’ said one of the men, as though he hadn’t spoken. ‘Making people uncomfortable. It’s public indecency.’

‘Don't bullshit me,’ said Tony quietly. ‘Banner is under my protection and you know that.' Then he drew back to speak louder. 'You’ve done a wonderful job, but the big boys can take it from here.’

Thor’s face burned as the cops let him go. To be bested by two mortals… at least Loki wasn’t around to see this or he’d be laughing for the next century.

Tony nodded at him, his expression invisible behind the mask. ‘Shall we fly?’

Thor nodded and raised his arm to summon Mjolnir. But instead Tony fastened an arm around his waist and blasted off into the sky. The ground rocketed away from them at an alarming pace. ‘Er Stark, I can make my own way back.’

Tony snorted. ‘What, were you going to walk home? Get a cab? I’d love to know where you keep your quarters.’

Thor _really_ didn’t feel good. He gulped and shut his eyes tightly.

‘Banner.’ Tony went silent. Thor strained to hear over the whistling wind. Perhaps Bruce was unconscious somewhere. He wouldn’t have his phone on him. Surely Tony knew that. ‘Banner?’

Then a cold metal finger poked him in the side. ‘Hey! You still with me Bruce? Don’t want you passing out in the altitude.’

Thor opened his eyes. ‘Why do you call me Bruce?’ He laughed. Then he frowned. ‘Why did those men call me Banner?’

As Tony turned his head to look at him, a face reflected in his helmet. Tanned skin, wide brown eyes and curly brown hair. ‘Argh! Why am I Bruce Banner?’

Tony chuckled and turned away. ‘I ask myself that every day, pal.’

Half a mile up in the air, Thor threw up over Manhattan.

 

 

They met up in the Stark Tower infirmary.

Like the rest of the building, it was spacious, stylish and brightly-lit. All the walls were curved, accentuated with soft blue lights. It was a room Bruce was very familiar with.

He watched his own body stumble in, wrapped in a thin red cloak that had a suspicious-looking beige stain on it. Wow, he looked... pathetic. Had he always been that short?

Tony marched in after him. ‘Better get a medic up here,’ he said to Steve. ‘I don’t know what Merlin and his friends did to him but he seems to think he’s Thor – ‘

Then he caught sight of Bruce standing by the wall, arms folded.

‘Yeah,’ said Steve, ‘we know.’

Tony looked between them, uncomprehending. ‘So what, now Thor thinks he’s Bruce too? Give me a break. Hey Bruce, what’s Compton scattering?’

Thor looked back at him fuzzily, then collapsed face-down onto the nearest sick bed.

Bruce sighed. ‘It’s the scattering of a photon by a charged particle, resulting in a decrease of energy in the photon.’

He had the rare privilege of seeing Tony Stark lost for words. ‘What did you just say? Cap, am I having a stroke?’

‘He was like this when we found him,’ Steve explained reluctantly. ‘None of us believed it at first, but… Bruce isn’t an easy guy to imitate. It’s definitely him.’

Whilst the others had debated over whether they should knock him out and tie him up, Bruce had recited the periodic table in reverse alphabetical order then by atomic number. Facts grounded him, but it had also convinced them who he was. ‘Must have been something those… those “wizard” guys did,’ he said in Thor’s deep voice.

‘So I’m talking to Bruce right now? That’s you in there?’ He stared at him in utter bemusement, then a grin lit up his face. ‘That’s hilarious.’

‘No, it isn’t,’ Steve snapped. ‘Forget the medic, we need Strange. Get him up here.’

Tony rolled his eyes. ‘JARVIS?’

A small pause. _‘He has been informed.’_

Bruce ran a hand over the face that wasn’t his. ‘This is impossible. Brains are complex structures of neurons, you can't just _swap_ them. We’re not even the same species!’

Steve patted his shoulder. ‘We’ll get to the bottom of this. How did it happen? What do you remember?’

Bruce shrugged his broad shoulders. ‘Nothing after I Hulked out.’ He probed his memories, searching for the beast forever slumbering beneath his surface thoughts. To his surprise, he found nothing. Oh yeah. He was in Thor’s body now. ‘I just woke up and I was uh...’ He gestured uncomfortably at his muscular body.

Steve turned his attention to the lump on the bed. ‘Thor, what do you remember?’

Thor mumbled something about feeble mortal bodies and sank a little further under the cloak.

‘Hey, that’s my body you’re calling feeble!’ Bruce’s voice sounded more commanding coming from Thor’s Nordic lungs. ‘Maybe Hulk did something during the fight. I don’t know. But there must be a scientific reason, and therefore an equally scientific solution.’ He found himself pacing. Thor’s body wanted to: slow, thoughtful strides. Bruce let the process calm him. ‘I need some equipment, I need to take some readings...’

‘Uh, not right now you’re not,’ said Tony. ‘You’re staying here until I’m satisfied you’re not cyborgs or Skrull or whateverthefuck else.’

Bruce looked pleadingly to Steve, who shrugged apologetically. ‘Can’t be too careful.’

Thor sat up, the cloak falling off him and revealing Bruce’s dirt-smeared chest. ‘And how long will that take?’ He stared fuggily at Bruce. ‘Wow I’m handsome.’

Bruce winked back at him. It was surreal to see yourself in the flesh. He really wished Thor would cover up a bit; the cloak was sliding dangerously low down his hips. He cleared his throat. ‘Guess we’re not gonna make it for waffle burgers today, buddy.’

Thor looked crestfallen. ‘Why not? We could still go out as we are.’ To illustrate this, he stood up. The cloak slid off.

‘Woah! That’s one for the Reddit page!’ Tony covered his eyes dramatically.

Steve glared at him. ‘I'm glad you find this funny.’

Blushing, Bruce snatched the cloak up from the floor and tossed it at him. ‘Please put some clothes on,’ he begged.

Steve grabbed the emergency clothes from the shelf above the bed. Bruce hadn’t had to replenish them for a while.

_‘Sir, Doctor Strange is on his way.’_

‘Great. Tell him to get his magical ass up here.’ Tony walked to the door. ‘Bruce - well, Thor - make yourself decent. We’ll leave you to it.’ He left. Steve followed with a final nod of encouragement.

Bruce kept his eyes averted as Thor wriggled into a pair of old jeans and an oversized black t-shirt. ‘So what actually happened out there? What did Hulk do?’

‘Well, I was caught up in a web of energy. Then Hulk tried to jump in and save me and tangled himself in it. The magic must have linked us somehow.’

‘Hulk tried to help?’ Bruce laughed in disbelief. ‘I don’t think so. Hulk doesn’t care about anyone.’ He strained to remember what had happened. He had a vague impression that Hulk had enjoyed himself. He remembered hanging upside-down and losing control...

Wait. Had he almost kissed Thor? They’d been staring into each other’s eyes, very close together. If the rock hadn’t hit the car, what might have happened?

‘Uh, Thor,’ he said slowly. ‘Just before the crash...’

Thor looked up sharply, and there was definitely something guilty in his expression.

Then Doctor Strange strode in, cloak trailing behind him, and the moment was lost. ‘This should be interesting,’ he said, studying them both. ‘Take a seat.’

Bruce and Thor exchanged glances, then sat down on the sickbed. ‘Who were the guys that attacked us?’ Bruce asked.

‘Sorcerers from another dimension.’ He tilted Thor’s head back and pulled up an eyelid.

‘Right,’ said Bruce. He didn’t... dislike Stephen, but if he was honest he didn’t have total faith in what he called magic. Strange may have been enlightened but Bruce was happy to remain a cynic. Though if he had any solutions for getting him out of the body of a god he was all ears.

‘And what did these sorcerers want?’ Thor prompted.

‘Knowledge, I’m guessing. To see what we have that they don’t. Whether magic is widespread here. I doubt they found much of interest or it would have been a bigger group.’ He drew back, looking thoughtful. ‘Hmm.’ And he slammed a hand into each of their chests.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling to be literally punched out of your body. Time slowed down, all sounds of the infirmary fading away. Bruce was launched backwards and then he was outside of his body – well, Thor’s body – floating above the bed.

‘What the hell – ‘ He looked down at his hands and was pleased to find they were his own. He was back in his body! No, more like he was a ghost. But at least it looked like him.

Thor hovered above Bruce’s body, cartwheeling his arms as he slowly flipped over in the air. ‘What have you done?’

‘Just pushed your astral form out of your physical one. It’s definitely you guys in there.’ Strange paced around them, a ghostly afterimage following. ‘I sensed the change happen but I was a little busy trying to save the city.’

Bruce folded his astral arms. ‘Well you know, priorities. Never mind that Thor was in danger.’

‘Like you said, priorities.’ Strange waved his hands, conjuring complicated runes. ‘Weird. It’s like your astral forms were swapped over.’

Bruce prodded Thor’s ghostly ankle and was pleased to find it semi-solid. ‘Can you switch us back?’

Strange considered them. ‘Oh, yeah. Piece of cake.’

And suddenly Bruce was hurtling back towards his body. He looked into his own vacant eyes and for a moment he saw the beast still living in the cage in his mind. Then he was being crushed up against an astral brick wall with tremendous force. Like a bug on a windscreen except in like the hundred and tenth dimension. It was going to kill him –

They both fell forwards and landed on the floor.

‘Hmm,’ said Strange.

Bruce patted his hands down his chest. ‘I’m still Thor.’

Thor groaned beside him. ‘What went wrong?’

‘This is more complex magic than I thought.’ He examined the glowing rune in his hand. ‘Those guys weren’t from our dimension. Consequently, they were using a different form of mysticism. A more inefficient form maybe but three times as complicated. And powerful. Fascinating.’

‘I’m glad you’re amused.’ Thor pulled himself up and sat on the bed, looking a little more awake than when he’d first walked in. ‘But we can’t stay like this forever.’

‘Well, you’ll have to give me some time. This is advanced stuff, I can’t rush this. Plus I’ve got to go back out there and ensure our dimension-hopping buddies aren’t looking for a round two.’

Bruce stood up, drawing himself up to full height. He was taller than Strange, too. ‘And how long will that take?’

He shrugged. ‘A day or two? A month? I don’t know. Go clean up, get some rest. Thor has a touch of concussion but he’ll be fine.’

‘That’s the least of our worries,’ said Thor grumpily, but he got doggedly to his feet.

Strange gave them a wobbly wave, not looking up from the symbols flickering through his hand. ‘I’ll be in touch.’

They trudged down the corridor in silence and got into the elevator. Bruce leaned his head back against the cool metal wall and laughed at the absurdity of it all. ‘The scrapes we get into, huh? Of all the days this could’ve happened, it had to be a Saturday.’ And of course, it was Bruce who had ruined everything. Whenever something good happened in his life, he always screwed it up. ‘I’m sorry. If I hadn’t Hulked out…’

‘This wasn’t your fault, Bruce,’ said Thor firmly. He made as if to pat Bruce on the shoulder, then seemed to change his mind. ‘I have every faith in Strange. Besides, if I had to lend my body to someone I would choose you.’

Only Thor could make that sound heartfelt and not creepy. ‘And why’s that?’

‘Because… well, we’re best friends, aren’t we?’

‘Yeah.’ He sighed. ‘Yeah, we are.’

‘And I trust you not to do anything weird with my body whilst you’re in it.’

‘Ew, of course not.’ The thought of _oh god_ , going to the bathroom was weird enough. Bruce didn’t want anything to do with this body if Thor wasn’t in it. Then again, he also hadn’t wanted anything to do with turning into a green muscly monster. Tough shit.

‘We’ll be alright, Bruce,’ said Thor in Bruce’s voice. If Bruce closed his eyes he could pretend it was his internal thoughts. ‘We’ve got out of weirder situations than this. Well, not much weirder, but still.’

‘Yeah.’ He opened his eyes. ‘Team GammaHammer?’

Thor smiled, and despite having Bruce’s face, it was a Thor smile. ‘Team GammaHammer.’

He high-fived Thor’s fist bump and everything felt a little better.

Thor frowned. ‘I suddenly have a craving for fried peanut butter sandwiches. Is it because I’m in your body?’

Bruce sighed. It was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: a terrestrial gamma-ray flash is a burst of gamma rays that are supposedly caused by thunderstorms! But Compton scattering sounded more bafflegabby.


	3. Splish Splash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extremely plot-relevant shower scene. H/C if you squint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how all that plot got in there I do apologise. Here's a totally pointless naked shower scene to balance things out ;)

Thor’s legs gave out the moment the elevator doors opened.

He made an ineffectual grab at the opening door to catch himself, then slithered down the wall and landed in a heap on Tony’s plush red carpet.

Bruce nearly fell over him. ‘Shit, you okay?’

‘I am fine.’ He frowned up at the ceiling. ‘My knees stopped working for a moment. Is that normal?’

‘Yeah. You’re gonna feel rough for a while. Give me your arm.’ He lifted him up with one hand. It was great being Thor. He led the way down the corridor, half-carrying him. All he wanted to do was go up to his lab and start working on a solution – a proper one that didn’t involve “magic” – but he was worried about Thor. He was a god in a mortal’s body, and Bruce’s battered one at that.

‘Oh, are we switching rooms too?’ he mumbled as Bruce keyed in the passcode to his apartment.

‘No, but I need to keep an eye on you. Strange said you had concussion, remember?’ He shouldered the door open.

Bruce’s apartment was the nicest place he’d ever lived in. The rear wall was made of glass, overlooking a sprawling view of Manhattan below. A squashy blue sofa was turned to face the view, a book-laden coffee table perched beside it. There was a desk in the other corner, where several empty coffee mugs gathered around his laptop. When Bruce had joined the Avengers, he’d been in hiding for five years. His possessions fit into a single suitcase and he’d been living on canned food. These days he still wasn’t materialistic, but he’d been steadily building up a shelf of scientific textbooks for bedtime reading.

Thor collapsed gratefully onto the sofa. Bruce wandered into his bedroom and pulled a bottle from his bedside cabinet. The liquid inside it was thick and green. ‘You’d better have one of these.’ 

Thor eyed it suspiciously as it was handed to him. ‘What is it?’

‘Basically liquid calories. You wouldn’t believe how much the other guy burns up.’

‘I’m beginning to.’ Thor uncapped it, took a sniff, then pulled a face. ‘Do I want to know what’s in this?’

‘Uh, a _lot_ of spinach.’ Bruce sat down beside him, gazing down at the view. He wondered if Strange was still out there, and when he’d get around to fixing this mess.

Thor took a sip and gagged. ‘Why is it spicy?’

‘That’s the chillis. Source of vitamins C and B12. There’s chocolate in there too, if that helps.’ He watched his own face turn a shade greener, and not in the monstrous way. ‘It’s my own post-Hulk smoothie. I figured out what I was deficient in and condensed the ingredients into something… palatable.’ Another good thing he’d gained from moving here: it was the first time he’d had a lab to work in since the other guy showed up. Finally he could do some self-study. ‘When I first started changing, I’d wake up with low blood sugar, anaemia, vitamin A deficiency, the works.’

Thor gulped. ‘Explains the carrots.’

They watched the sun beginning to set over Manhattan. Bruce patted Thor’s back and maintained a steady stream of encouragement until he’d downed the lot. ‘How was it?’

‘I’d have preferred a waffle burger.’ He placed the bottle on the coffee table. ‘But whilst I’m in your body I need to look after it.’

That brought Bruce’s attention to something he’d been trying to ignore. ‘Speaking of which… I gotta pee soon.’

‘Oh. Then go.’

He fidgeted uncomfortably. ‘But it’s weird…’

‘Why? You’ve seen it before!’

‘Once and that was an accident.’

‘Then you know that I don’t have two of anything I shouldn’t.’

Bruce groaned and hid his head in his hands.

‘It’ll be fine. Come on.’ Thor rose to his feet and then he was pulling Bruce along.

‘Wait, what are you doing?’ he squeaked as he was dragged into the bathroom. ‘You are _not_ helping me.’

Thor’s hand hovered over Bruce’s fly. ‘I thought it would make you feel less awkward.’

‘No! In what way would – you think I’m gonna be able to go with you watching me?’ The thought of his actual body holding Thor’s cock which he was currently in control of – ‘That’s so many different kinds of weird I don’t know where – ‘

‘Alright, alright. It was just a suggestion.’ Thor backed off. ‘I’ll um, be outside if you need me.’

‘Please close the door.’

‘Yep. Okay.’ And he left, leaving Bruce with a very full Asgardian bladder. Of all the messed-up shit he’d done in his life, Doctor Bruce Banner had never peed out of another guy’s penis. Today was a day of firsts. He closed his eyes and unzipped.

Bruce could have seen Thor’s dick plenty of times, if he’d wanted to. They fought as a group, they used the restroom as a group. But Bruce was on a team of actual superhumans. It was better to just be the stall guy.

Bruce pulled out Thor’s dick. And was surprised to find it was a similar size. Okay, Thor may have been _slightly_ girthier but… there wasn’t much in it. He groaned in relief as he took the longest, mightiest pee of his life. It just kept going. How did it all fit in there? Thor’s bladder had to be the size of a soccer ball.

A knock at the door made him jump. ‘Are you finished?’

Bruce hastily tucked in and zipped up. ‘Yeah.’

‘Good.’ The door opened and Thor walked in wearing only his jeans. ‘I’m going to have a shower,’ he announced. And he made to pull down his pants.

Bruce grabbed his wrists. ‘Do you have to? I really don’t need to see that.’

Thor stared at him. ‘Bruce... it’s your body.’

‘Well yeah but it’s still weird!’ For some reason looking at his own bare chest skin was making his blood warm. ‘Can’t you just sleep like that?’

‘You were in a car crash. Then the Hulk was throwing trees at people...’ He pointed at the green smears on his chest. ‘And then I threw up on the way back. You stink.’

Bruce sighed. ‘Fine. I guess you've seen it all before anyway.’ Thor was usually the one to find him after a Hulk-out and cart him back to the infirmary. He'd seen it all. Unfortunately. ‘Just uh, don’t expect much. I mean, you’ve seen it all before. But it’s not exactly… you know.’

‘What?' He reached up to rest a hand on his shoulder. 'It’s your body. It’s merely the vessel that holds you, and I think very highly of you.’

Bruce’s face warmed. Could Asgardians even tell when someone was flirting?

The hand on Bruce’s shoulder squeezed gently. ‘I’ll be quick.’

‘Sure. Fine.’ Bruce rubbed his eyes. This body was hardier than his own, but it was still tired. Thor must have done a lot of fighting earlier; his arms ached.

Thor kicked off his jeans and stepped into the shower with his boxers on. If the situation had occurred when they were in the right bodies... Bruce wouldn't have trusted his own self-restraint. He waited awkwardly, reluctant to leave him alone when he was still concussed.

‘I’m even keeping my eyes closed, if it makes you feel better. Unless you want to do it?’

‘Do what?’

Bruce watched his own face reappear as the shower door opened slightly. ‘Help?’

Nope. Bad idea. They were already in risky territory here.

But Thor was still concussed. He needed someone to watch him in case he slipped and fell. Plus, Bruce was currently in Thor’s body so that made it okay, right?

Right?

Fuck it. Before he could change his mind, Bruce shimmied out of Thor’s battle pants and unstrapped his armour. The sight of the pale, sculpted chest beneath was a little startling – damn, why did Thor cover up so much? He left his underwear on, though. There was such a thing as _too_ weird.

Thor switched on the shower, sighing as the hot spray hit his body.

He could do this. Totally platonic. Just two guys sharing a shower. At least he couldn't pop a boner if he was only looking at his actual body.

'Coming?' Thor asked.

'Uh, yeah.' Bruce carefully manoeuvred his long limbs into the shower. There was plenty of room for two; no such thing as “cosy” in Tony’s world. Oh god, he really didn’t want to look at his own nearly-naked body. ‘Wait, where’s that coming from?’ The water was turning pink as it flowed down Thor’s body.

Thor winced as Bruce parted the matted hair. 'I may have hit my head on a bench.'

'It's not too bad. Come here.' He grabbed the shampoo and gently scrubbed the blood out of his hair. 'If it was fresh blood I'd be worried. But dried is okay. The water filtration system can neutralise what's left of the gamma.'

Thor tilted his head obediently so he could wash the back of his neck. His warm breaths ghosted across Bruce's chest. He had the sudden urge to clasp their bodies together as the hot water trickled between them.

'You're so short,' Thor muttered.

'Hey, I'm normal-sized! You guys are all giants. I can barely walk with these long legs.' Finished, he straightened up, leaving Thor to rinse off.

'I have to look _up_ to speak to people now. It's going to give me neck ache.' Without prompting, Thor lathered up his hands and ran them down Bruce's smooth chest. 'Does this mean I have to act like you now?’ His brown eyes twinkled with mischief. '"I am Doctor Banner and I do numbers and science!"'

Bruce snorted. 'That's - that's awful. You still have your accent.' For some reason he was really enjoying the feeling of his own hands gliding down his front. '“The son of Odin is displeased that the metal man has partaken of the last pop tart!”’

‘Hey, I don’t talk like that anymore,’ he protested.

‘The mighty Thor does not deign to take advice from lesser mortals! Unless it involves asking Bruce how to fix the toaster. Because I break it. All the time.'

'I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my seven PhDs.'

They both laughed, and suddenly it wasn't awkward anymore. Then Bruce spotted a streak of dirt on Thor’s shoulder. 'Hey, turn around. There’s still some dirt on your back.'

Thor turned, and Bruce had the uncanny view of the back of his own head. Sure enough, his back was streaked with grime. Bruce had been injured in the crash but those wounds would have healed the moment he became the Hulk. With a sigh, he reached for the soap. 'Did Hulk take a literal dirt bath or something?'

'He really enjoyed throwing those trees around...'

Bruce washed the dirt off his own back. Next to Thor, he really was puny. They made an odd pair of friends: the god and the scientist. Whilst Thor was bulky, Bruce was wiry - all that yoga had to be good for something. He'd filled out a little since he'd started eating proper meals. Actually, he looked a lot healthier than he did last year.

Something shifted down south. Bruce froze.

'Do you always feel this tired after changing back?' Thor yawned.

'Uh, yeah.' He ignored the growing heaviness between his legs and stubbornly continued washing.

'Everything feels stiff.' He rolled his shoulders experimentally and winced. ‘Can you even manage this on your own?’

'Not really.' Usually he couldn't even wash his own back.

'You never said. I could have helped you clean yourself up.'

Bruce gulped and glanced down to find that his cock was half-hard and pointing hopefully at his own ass.

It was officially enough weirdness for one day.

‘Okay, I’m done!’ Bruce scrambled out of the shower, knocking his elbow against the glass door. What was _wrong_ with him? Maybe it was because it was still Thor in there, but getting excited about his own naked body...

Before Thor had time to get out he slid out of his sopping-wet underwear and tied a towel around his waist to hide the evidence. Tiny droplets of water clung to the hairs on his arms, trickling down his chest and dripping from his nipples. Wow. Good job Thor didn't wander around topless or Bruce would never get any work done.

‘It really is strange being you, Bruce. I always wondered… oh.’ Thor was looking down at his body with undisguised fascination. The hot shower had drawn out the angry red lines that covered his skin.

'When the other guy showed up... it took a toll. Over the years.'

Thor traced one down from armpit to his elbow. 'What are they?'

'Stretch marks.' Shoulders, legs, thighs, belly. Years of intense bodily stress. He wasn't proud of them.

Thor surveyed Bruce's body with the seriousness of a surgeon. Then he looked up at him and smiled. 'You're beautiful.'

Bruce flushed. He laughed shyly. 'You don't have to be nice about it.'

'No, I mean it. Your body matches your soul: battle-scarred but whole and wonderful.'

'Stop.'

'I'm merely telling the truth.' Thor stepped up to him, still wearing his soaking-wet boxers. 'My turn.' Bruce shivered as he traced a fingertip down his chest, stopping at his ribs. 'Do you see these?'

Bruce looked, properly this time. And he noticed faint white lines branching over his chest like veins. 'Are these...' He smiled. 'Lightning scars.'

'Occupational hazard of being god of thunder. And this one,' he continued, prodding him in the stomach, 'is from when Loki stabbed me that time when we first assembled. And that one is from when he stabbed me with this giant ice spike - it was hilarious, you had to be there. Oh, and _that_ one is from when we were children and he turned into a snake and stabbed me and - '

'Your brother stabs you a lot, doesn't he?'

'Well, siblings always fight, don't they?' Thor studied his hands thoughtfully. ‘You're so interesting. Why haven't we done this before?'

Bruce chuckled. 'Traded scar stories or showered together?'

Thor shrugged and licked his lips. ‘Both?’ he suggested. And Bruce noticed that his own pupils looked a little larger than normal.

‘Okay, you're definitely still concussed. C’mon.’

Back in his bedroom, Bruce dug out some pyjamas for Thor and some more for himself – then remembered that they wouldn’t fit.

‘They’re in the middle drawer,’ said Thor sleepily, already wearing the soft grey shirt and matching pants. He yawned and ran a hand through his damp dark hair.

 _He looks adorable_ , Bruce thought, then recoiled. Over the years, he'd considered himself to be many things: a coward, a genius, a monster. But he was certainly not adorable. Whatever this spell was, he needed it gone ASAP.

It took him a moment to register what Thor had said. Sure enough, at the back of the middle drawer was a large t-shirt and sweatpants. He held up the t-shirt. Red letters confidently depicted the word ASS. ‘Uh… this is yours?’ Then he remembered. They’d gone to visit the children’s ward at a local hospital, and Clint had been in charge of printing the t-shirts. Together, their backs read AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! Thor had been ASS, Bruce had been EM. Nat, the BLE, had forbidden the two of them from leaving her side until the awful day was over. Then Thor had gone back to Bruce’s apartment, losing the shirt at first opportunity.

Thor literally had a drawer of clothes at Bruce’s place. By Midgardian rules they were basically dating.

Thor burrowed under the covers, offered him a grateful smile and promptly fell asleep.

Bruce hovered. He sighed. Then he went to go sleep on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole thing was written and edited on my phone so pls forgive any weird formatting :3


	4. Somebody That I Used To Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strange drops the bombshell, Thor pretends he understands Science and an old friend appears.

Thor woke up feeling exhausted. He held a hand up in front of his face to see whose body he'd ended up in this time. Oh. Still Bruce.

Morning sunlight streamed through the curtains. Thor's gaze wandered over the books stacked up on the bedside table: _Essays on Thermonuclear Fusion, Gamma Radiation For Beginners_ (well-thumbed), _Norse Mythology_ …

Thor sat up and plucked it off the top, smiling to see his beloved hammer depicted on the cover. He flicked through. This Midgardian writer was very well-informed. Perhaps he should look into finding this Neil, son of Gaiman. Interesting that Bruce considered this to be a worthy bedside read.

Thor stretched and stood up. By the gods, Bruce was so _short._ At least his headache had gone off. He padded out into the apartment but Bruce wasn’t here. With a shrug, he headed into the bathroom, brushed a set of teeth that weren’t his, peed (quickly), then grabbed some clothes from the bedroom.

The wardrobe was full of shirts. Thor hated shirts: too many buttons. He opted for a faded _Doctor Who_ t-shirt with some beige pants. Then he headed down to the kitchen.

Floor 87 of Stark Tower was the communal area, containing a sprawling lounge (complete with pool table), a movie theatre, a bar and a large kitchen. Oddly for a Sunday morning, no one was around. ‘JARVIS?’

_‘Good morning, Mr Odinson.’_

He paused beside the cereal cupboard. ‘Oh. You know already?’

_‘Mr Stark updated me on yesterday’s events, yes. I am currently assisting him and Doctor Banner in the search for a solution.’_

‘I see.’ He pulled out the box of pop-tarts he’d hidden behind the stale fruity pebbles and tossed four into the multi-slice toaster. ‘And where are the others?’

‘ _They are in Central Park, assisting with the clean-up. They should return shortly.’_

Thor settled into his familiar routine. Bruce’s body didn’t have the muscle memory so he had to concentrate on making a giant mug of cocoa (four spoons of sugar) before sitting at the table to wait for his delicious pastries to finish cooking.

Bruce marched in with a scowl so godlike in its wrath that Thor thought he was watching himself. Then he jumped as the toaster went off and the illusion was gone.

‘Good morning, Bruce.’ Thor curled a hand around his mug. ‘How goes the search for answers?’

‘Not great.’ He reached up to open the coffee cupboard and whacked himself in the face with the door. ‘Ow! You’re so tall.’ Clutching his nose, he set about making a cup of black coffee with one hand. ‘I got sick of Tony laughing at me so I’m taking a break.’

‘I have every faith in you.’ Thor slid off his stool and gathered up his beloved pop-tarts. Bruce threw in two slices of bread.

‘Strange can talk about magic all he wants. But I’m not going to wait around until he waves a magic wand.’ He glared down at the toaster.

Thor returned to the table and watched as Bruce awkwardly made some peanut butter on toast, then sat down beside him.

Thor ate a piece of pop-tart. Bruce took a sip of coffee.

They pulled faces, exchanged puzzled looks, and swapped meals.

Bruce took a cautious bite of Thor’s breakfast and his eyes widened. 'That is so weird.' He stared down at the pop-tart in his hand like it was going to revolutionise the laws of physics. 'How is this... _good_? It's just a slab of sugar.'

'That's the point.' Thor was similarly puzzled as to how bitter coffee could suddenly become... not quite delicious but good. It was making happy electric currents run through his Bruce-body. 'I suppose our minds were swapped but our bodies have their own tastes.'

‘I guess.’ Bruce paused mid-bite, as if he’d just realised something. He glanced nervously at Thor then back down at his plate. Then he scratched his nose like Thor always did when he was hiding something. He’d always had, as Tony delicately put it, “a shit poker face”.

The toast was good too. 'What else does this body like?' Thor pondered.

Bruce laughed. ‘That’s a personal question.’

‘You know what I mean.’

He took a long sip of cocoa, bicep flexing. ‘Uh, I dunno. Really fatty junk food. I like bitter chocolate, any kind of fruit – hate kiwis, though.’ He tucked a strand of blond hair behind his ear. ‘Oh, I really like the smell of a full tank of gas. That slightly burnt metal smell. And as for the rest of me…’ He smiled. ‘Love hot baths. Hot as you can get em.’

Thor knew this. Bruce would disappear for hours in the evening and return pink and sleepy and lemon-scented.

Bruce nudged him. 'Your turn.'

‘Hmm, I suppose I like sweet things.’ He nodded at the pop-tarts. ‘And any kind of meat. I like walking in the rain during thunderstorms. Erm, favourite smells…’ 'He liked the scent of Bruce's lab, though he couldn't name whatever chemical made it smell that way. 'I like lemons.'

‘They have those on Asgard?’

‘Well, no. I just… came across them.’ Radiating off Bruce’s damp, happy body. His hot baths always left him super relaxed, to the point where he’d often fall asleep during movie night. Thor would let him slump against his shoulder, enjoying the citrus scent of his contentment. He cleared his throat, realising he’d paused for too long without giving an adequate explanation.

Bruce was watching him with interest. Thor had learned how to read the scientist’s subtle expressions, but it was impossible to read them on his own face. He reached out to pat his shoulder, his usual way of erasing any potential awkwardness, but Bruce's body… didn’t want to. This body was a conundrum in that it seemed to constantly crave touch but was equally fearful of it. Thor chose to respect its wishes and returned his hand to his lap.

'What are you thinking?' Bruce asked, leaning down to talk to him (oh the shame). Some of the tension in Thor's body melted away at his closeness.

'I'm thinking that I would rather be eating your breakfast,' he confessed.

Bruce laughed and despite his body it was a Bruce-laugh, almost a sigh.

Thor... really wanted to touch him for some reason.

_‘Gentlemen, you have a visitor.’_

Doctor Strange swept into the room. ‘Busy?’

Thor sat up. 'Have you solved it?'

'Not exactly.' He pulled out a book from nowhere, leafing through the musty pages. 'I couldn't find anything resembling the rune used to bind the two of you together. Like I said, those guys were from another dimension. They used a different form of mysticism, one so different to ours that they’re basically incompatible.’

'I don't get it,' said Bruce.

'Okay, it's like trying to open a .jpg file with a microwave.'

'I don't get it,' said Thor.

Strange rolled his eyes. 'From what you told me, my guess is that the woman attempted to bond minds with Thor. To see what he knew and whether he'd be of any use to them.'

Thor remembered the voice in his head before Hulk fought her off. ‘But it didn’t work,’ he said slowly.

‘No, the process was interrupted so you bonded with Banner instead.’ He held up the book, which displayed an incomprehensible mass of runes. ‘I managed to decode the rune itself. Partially.’

'And?' Bruce prompted.

‘It’s for switching minds. She would become you, learn what she needed to, kill herself whilst in your body and promptly switch back.’

Thor sat back on his stool, a sinking feeling in his gut. ‘So you’re saying…’

'The only way for you to switch back is if one of you dies.'

Bruce covered his face with his hands. ‘No…’

Thor felt Hulk pawing at the edges of his consciousness, scenting his rising panic. 'That will not happen,' he said firmly. 'Not Bruce. Ever. I will protect him with my every breath.’

‘Nice sentiment. Not needed. There’s a plan B.’

They both looked up.

‘I couldn’t read much of the rune, but I understood just enough. I could only change one of the words.’

Hulk pressed down on the back of Thor’s skull. 'Can you change us back or not?' he snapped.

‘I can. I altered the spell. From "kill" to... basically you need to sleep together.'

Bruce choked on his pop-tart.

‘That's it?' Thor was puzzled. 'Bruce's room is already opposite mine, we pretty much slept together last night...'

'No Thor,' Bruce coughed. 'That's not what he means.'

‘Oh sorry, wasn’t I clear? Have sex. Copulate. Fuck. Whatever word you Asgardians use.’

'Ah.' Thor looked at Bruce, who was blushing red. It looked... rather endearing, he thought. 'Well, it could be worse,' he said lightly. His whole body felt hot and fidgety. Embarrassment? Anger? Bruce's body was an utter mystery to him.

Bruce ignored him. 'That's it? That’s your answer?' The Asgardian's deep voice rose to a squeak.

Strange snapped the book closed. 'Just be grateful you're not related. This is the best I can do.’

'So you're saying we – we have sex and then we change back? Just like that?'

He nodded solemnly. 'Just like that.'

‘But _how does that even work?’_

He threw his hands up. ‘Because it’s _magic_ , Bruce!’

'I get that you're a doctor. I get that you know all this so-called mysticism stuff. But if you’re making a joke -'

‘Do I look like I’m joking? I have better things to do than trick you two into bed with each other.’ Strange waved a hand and the book disappeared. ‘I’m telling the truth. I swear to you. But forgive me if I don’t have the time to explain the intricacies of mysticism over… I guess you can call that breakfast.’

Bruce stood up. ‘I’m gonna go with option C, where I find an actual solution to all this. With science.’

Strange smiled. 'I guess playing with test tubes is more your style.’

‘Yes. It is.’

‘My way’s quicker.’

‘Your way is stupid. “Master of the Mystic Arts” and the best you can do is some sci-fi porno bullshit? Give me a break.’

‘Have you ever even _had_ sex, Banner?’

Bruce faltered. Despite the fact that he was currently the tallest in the room, with more muscles than the rest of them put together, he looked like a kicked puppy.

Thor stood up. ‘Listen well, Strange – ‘

 _‘Doctor Banner.’_ JARVIS cut across them. ‘ _You are expected at the university in an hour. Shall I arrange a car for you?'_

‘Shit!’ Bruce sprinted for the door, then stopped halfway across the room. ‘Oh shit, I’m still Thor! I’m supposed to be delivering a lecture – oh shit…’

Thor frowned. ‘On a Sunday?’

‘Science conference.’ He stared miserably down at the floor. ‘I can't miss it. I can't. What the hell do I do, go like this and hope no one notices?'

Strange was already gliding out of the door. ‘If you’re quick you can solve this before you leave.’

‘Screw you,’ Bruce growled.

‘Fun. Wouldn’t help you though. I gave you a solution, the rest is up to you.’ His steps quickly faded away, leaving the two of them alone.

Bruce turned on his heel and marched towards the elevator. Thor struggled to keep up with his long strides. 'It could be worse, Bruce.'

Bruce just hammered on the call button. 'Could it? Could it really be worse?' If they'd been in their own bodies, Thor would be worried about him Hulking out. ‘I have Tony and JARVIS working on this, but they need more time.’

Thor nodded. 'You don't believe him.'

'Of course I don't. Since when has sex been “magic”?'

'Well, my brother Loki -'

'Please don't finish that sentence.' He wrung his hands, so uncomfortable he took on his actual body's mannerisms. 'I'll figure something out. But I'm going to this lecture.'

'And I'll help you,' he assured him. 'Just tell me what you need me to do and I'll do it.'

Bruce looked at him gratefully, backing into the elevator as the doors opened. 'Thanks, Thor.'

They stood in silence.

‘And for the record,’ Bruce said without looking at him, ‘I _have_ had sex. With women _and_ men.’

Thor shrugged. ‘So have I.’

Bruce blinked at him. 'You have?'

'Of course. All the time, back on Asgard. It was common after a battle to celebrate with week-long orgies. It did wonders for morale.'

'Uh, right.' Bruce looked as though he was trying not to think about where this body had been. 'So you... like men?'

'Well, yes.' His arms folded themselves. Bruce's body didn't seem to know what to do with itself. 'On Asgard, we do not have the same qualms as you in expressing ourselves. Here, all is scrutinised. It is a shame that it is harder to pursue a man’s touch in Midgard. I daresay I might prefer it.'

They both jumped as something crunched behind them.

Clint stared back innocently, apple in hand. 'Please continue,' he said, munching. 'It looked like you were having a moment there.'

Bruce sagged against the wall. 'Were you here the whole time?'

'Yeah. I wasn't even hiding or anything.' He took another bite. 'You never told me you were into dudes, Bruce. What the hell, man? I could've hooked you up!'

Bruce looked as if he wanted to disappear through the wall. 'I don't uh, do dating. Anymore.'

'Bullshit. When's the last time you got out of that lab and had some fun?'

He folded his muscular arms. 'Getting burgers with Thor. And look how that turned out.'

'Oh boo hoo, so you're ripped for a couple days. Strange is gonna sort it out.’

‘And if he doesn’t, Stark will,’ Thor assured him. ‘We’ll go to your lecture, come back, and everything will be fine. We can do this.’

 

 

'I can't do this,' Thor hissed out of the corner of his mouth. 'This was a terrible idea and I don't know what I was thinking.'

'It'll be okay.' Bruce took his own elbow and steered them down the corridor. 'Just twenty minutes, one lecture.'

'This is a terrible idea,' he grumbled.

Bruce had been looking forward to this for weeks. Out of the blue, he'd gotten an email inviting him to give a brief talk at a local university. No mention of the other guy. Like he was a normal genius with seven PhDs. No way was he about to pass up the chance to prove himself. 'You're scowling again,' he warned.

Thor quickly schooled Bruce's features into something more approximating disapproval. A student who'd been hovering in a nearby doorway quickly stepped out of their way. 'I can't even pronounce half of these words.'

They waited until they had an elevator to themselves. Bruce still felt like he was too big to fit. 'Twenty minutes,' he begged. 'I picked an easy subject.'

Thor pulled out his flash cards. '"Quantum Electrodynamics and Equations of Motion"?'

'And I'll be there the whole time.' He owed Thor for this, he knew. Shame he couldn't pay him back the way he wanted to. He found his eyes drawn to the flashcards. Thor turned them through his hands. Of course that body was full of nervous ticks. But for some reason Bruce's current body found them fascinating. Nimble fingers. Clever fingers. He wondered what they'd feel like trailing down his chest, or wrapped firmly around his -

'"Landau pole"?' Thor pronounced haltingly.

Bruce mentally slapped himself. 'Uh yeah, close enough.' _What the fuck?_

'Do you promise you'll stay with me?'

'I promise. We're a team.'

Thor smiled. It did something funny in Bruce's chest.

Then the elevator door opened and the whole plan went to shit.

There was a small crowd of students and scientists waiting outside the lecture hall. Bruce felt instantly at home. He recognised a few faces: some were world-famous. A woman at the edge of the group caught his eye. She had a sunny smile and long brown hair, and she cradled her cup of coffee like it was the one thing tethering her to this mortal plane. 'Hey,' he muttered to Thor, 'who's that?'

Thor looked up, yelped and dropped his flash cards. 'Shit, it's Jane!' He crouched down, scrabbling to pick them up. 'You have to hide me, she can't see me - no wait, _you_ have to hide!' He grabbed Bruce's wrist and yanked him down with him.

'Why?' Bruce tried to get another glimpse of her but all he could see from here was legs. 'You guys aren't together?'

'No, that was ages ago.' Thor stuffed the gathered deck back in his pocket. 'We need to get out of here.'

Bruce rested a hand on his arm. 'Twenty minutes. Please.'

'Bruce, I can't...'

'Dr. Banner?'

They jumped and straightened up. A stern-looking woman in a lab coat marched towards them. She was Dr. Evelyn Hackett, a genius in her field of intramolecular bionics.

'Yes,' said Bruce. Thor trod on his toe. 'That's - that's my friend's name, yeah.'

'And Mr. Odinson.' She looked down her nose at Bruce. ' I'm not sure what you're doing here. Do you even know what a nanoparticle is?'

'Sure, it's a particle between one and a hundred nanometres with a surrounding interfacial layer,' he said easily.

Dr. Hackett's eyes narrowed. She sniffed. 'That's correct. I'm impressed.'

Bruce had read every paper this woman had written in the last ten years. But his idealism was fast fading.

She touched Thor's shoulder. 'A word in private please Doctor, before you go in.' Bruce stepped forward. She shook her head. 'You can wait here, Mr Odinson. It's not as if you would understand it, anyway.' She was already leading him away. Thor looked back with panic in his brown eyes.

'But I'm - I said I'd go with him!'

She waved a hand. 'With respect, you weren't invited. This way Doctor. I had a few questions about the essay you wrote last month...'

And then Bruce was left alone, staring after them with growing horror. After being offered the chance to salvage his reputation, he was now stuck outside the lecture hall and there was nothing he could do to help. Things couldn't get any worse.

'Hey.' A hand tapped him on the shoulder. 'Were you planning on ignoring me all day?'

Bruce turned around. It was Jane Foster. 'Oh! Uh, hi.'

'Hi.' She tapped her pen against her clipboard. 'Didn't know you were into physics. Or did you come here because you knew I'd be doing a talk?'

'Just passing through.' He was aware of students filing into the lecture hall. Thor would be on his own in there. 'I'm hoping to catch this one actually - '

'I saw you on the news. Fighting those wizard people. It looked like you got pretty beaten up.'

'Yeah, well it comes with the job, I guess.' He didn't trust himself to look at her. Thor's body was too telling, too eager to give away its emotions. He stared at her clipboard instead. 'How have you been?'

'Great, actually. No thanks to you.'

He cringed, even though it wasn't his fault. 'Sorry,' he muttered.

'Actually, it's good that you're here. There was something I wanted to ask you about.' Jane glanced about, then leaned in close. Thor's body took note of her fruity shampoo, the soft curve of her lips. 'When's my birthday?'

Bruce blinked. 'What? Uhh...'

'You're not Thor are you? As soon as I saw you I knew something was off.' She pointed her pen at his throat. 'Touch me and I scream this place down. What do you want with Thor? What is this, a clone? Mind control?'

'No no, it's okay.' Bruce took a step back. Jane looked like she would stab him if he blinked wrong. 'Alright, you got me. I'm not Thor.'

'Yeah. The accent was a giveaway. So who are you really? Loki?'

'The fight you saw on the news... we got hit with a - a spell, I guess. It switched our bodies over. I'm a friend of Thor's. Doctor Banner.'

'Banner?' She looked blank for a moment, then her eyes widened. _'The_ Dr. Banner? Dr. Bruce Banner?'

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 'Yeah, the green monster guy -'

'You wrote that paper on Einstein Rosen bridges!' She stuck the pen behind her ear and thrust out a hand. 'Jane Foster. I'm a big fan of your work.'

'Wow. Thanks.' In his normal body he might have blushed, but Thor's was busy categorising the feel of her warm hand in his. 'Most people are more interested in the other guy.'

'Well, he's interesting too.' She drew back. 'I tried to contact you a couple years ago for a research project but I guess it was a bad time...'

'Yeah, I was on the run.' And she'd still wanted to work with him?

'That was how I met Thor. Could have really used your expertise.' She smiled. Bruce wondered how things would have turned out then. How much it would have hurt to see him only interested in Jane...

'Well, good to meet you at last.'

She nodded. 'So where's Thor?' She followed his gaze to the lecture hall and her jaw dropped. 'He's not doing a lecture? In _your_ body?'

'I was going to help him through it but we got separated -'

'I'll fix this. Wait here.' And she hurried off into the hall before he could protest.

Bruce waited awkwardly, hands clasped in front of him like Thor always did. This body was clearly still attracted to Jane... oh god. But if Thor was in Bruce's body, he'd soon discover what Bruce had worked so hard to hide. It was a miracle he hadn't realised during their shower. Until this was sorted he needed to be extremely careful.

A short while later, the doors opened and a load of academics spilled out. Thor was bringing up the rear with Jane, looking bashful.

'How did it go?' Bruce demanded.

'Actually,' Jane said, 'it went really well. I apologised for being late and proposed a new theory on Einstein-Rosen bridges.'

Bruce raised an eyebrow. 'Unprepared?'

'Well, I'd been working on it for a while. I'm calling it the Banner-Foster theory.' She grinned. Brue had an overwhelming urge to hug her and he wasn't certain it was Thor's body's idea.

'Thank you, Jane.' Thor fiddled with the deck of flash cards, looking anywhere but at her. 'I feared I would ruin Bruce's reputation.'

Bruce noticed that a few professors were hovering nearby. They looked eager to talk to Thor. 'Uh, we should go.'

Jane had spotted them too. 'I'll stall them. But before you go...' She pulled a scrap of paper from her clipboard and scribbled on it. 'My email address, and my work number. I'd love to pick your brains sometime. Over coffee maybe?'

'Really?' said Bruce, before he could stop himself.

'I'm serious about my theory. I'd like to actually work on it with you. If you're interested.' She pressed the piece of paper into his hand. 'And without being too forward... I know what it's like. To have people doubt you.' She glanced at Thor. 'No one believed me the first time he showed up.'

'Why don't I get an email?' Thor grumped. The sulky expression actually didn't look too out of character for Bruce.

Jane stared at him. 'You don't have an email address. Or a computer. Or a phone. Why would I give you it?'

Bruce quickly stowed the piece of paper away. 'Thanks. I'll be in touch.'

She folded her arms, looking between them both. 'Well, this was interesting. I hope you figure out... whatever this is.'

Bruce blinked. For a moment he thought she was referring to the tension between them. Then he remembered he looked like Thor.

'See you around, Thor. Nice to meet you, Bruce.' He could see her trying to put Bruce's personality and appearance together. 'Let me know if you'd like to meet sometime. Maybe when you're not wearing my ex-boyfriend's body.'

They hurried back to the elevator before anyone could corner them. Thor sighed in relief as the doors closed. 'I am never doing that again.' He looked shaky and upset. Bruce was unnerved to see so much emotion on his own face. 'I thought I would ruin everything for you. I'm flattered that you trust me so much but I could have done real damage today, Bruce.'

Before Bruce realised what he was doing, he was wrapping his arms around his own slender body to give Thor a hug. Thor stiffened, then cautiously relaxed. 'I'm sorry. I promise, one way or another I'm going to fix this.'

Thor just nodded, face pressed against his chest. Bruce's body started to feel warm and tingly as their bodies clung together. He pulled away quickly, face warming. He needed to fix this, and quickly. Before he gave himself away.

Thor cleared his throat. 'Your room or mine?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but Jane and Bruce would be such good buddies they both like science and coffee and muscly thunder gods we need a ship name let's get on this. He's a physicist and she's an astrophysicist so... GreenStar? Astroturf?
> 
> There will be some smut next chapter I promise. How did this happen this was just going to be like 3 chapters and a sex scene why am I like this
> 
> Also I posted a lil Avengers chatfic in which Bruce adopts a stray cat if you want something to keep you going til chapter 5 :)


	5. Don't Threaten Me With a Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward awkward awkward smut. Then the boys have a heart-to-heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for smut I guess. Also Bruce's body is a bit intimidated by this whole idea and gets a bit overwhelmed and panicky by too much sensation and not feeling in control. Brief mention of needles.

Thor inhaled sharply at the first prod at his entrance and tried to relax.

'I can't believe we're doing this,' Bruce muttered above him. They were in Thor's room with the lights off and the curtains drawn, but enough evening sunlight filtered through to illuminate Bruce's anxious expression. 'If Strange lied to us about this...'

'Well, nothing else has worked so far.' He winced as Bruce attempted to slide in, missed and poked him in the testicle. 'It's only sex, Bruce,' he said gently. Bruce paused to glare at him, then drew back to try again. He was attempting to touch Thor as little as possible, hands braced either side of him. Thor's dick had long since been forgotten and now lay meekly against his thigh. They'd elected to keep their shirts on but discarded everything else.

If Thor was being honest with himself, this situation should have been fun: pinned down and ridden into the mattress. Except that Bruce's body wasn't keen on this idea. At all. 'Ow! You need to start slower.'

'Sorry.' Seeing his own face crumple with guilt was almost comical. 'It's... been a while.' He pulled back and clumsily added more lube to his already-slippery cock.

Thor gazed up at himself, wishing he couldn't see up his own nose. His beard was getting thicker, too. When they'd returned from the university, Bruce had scurried back up to his lab, determined to solve things with science. After a long and frustrating evening however, he'd been forced to admit he was out of ideas. This was a last resort.

He obediently lay still as Bruce tried again, but it was like a vice down there. Thor had concluded it was better to let Bruce do the driving, since he was the more unenthusiastic partner. Bruce had muttered something about the bigger guy usually going on top before reluctantly getting to work. He wasn't to know that Thor's body didn't usually top in these situations.

There was a loud, drawn-out squelch as Bruce ground his crotch between Thor's legs. He swore. 'Dammit, it's gone again.' He pulled back, his erection wilted. 'I don't want to touch it.'

This should have been fun. Thor was no prude; on Asgard he'd happily have sex with just about anyone. Yet here, with the man he trusted the most, he was cold, sore, tense and completely flaccid. Any hint of arousal had long since died away. It was as if Bruce didn't even want to make some fun out of this. 'Can we stop for a moment?'

Bruce paused and nodded. He'd swept his blond hair into a lopsided ponytail. 'I don't know how we're gonna do this. It's too weird. I'm trying to literally fuck myself.'

Clearly letting Bruce take the lead wasn't working. 'You're thinking too much. Don't forget you're in my body, which has different tastes to your own.' He reached up to cup his face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. 'In any case, I think we're lacking a little... prep.'

Bruce frowned, blue eyes flickering over his face. 'There's about half a bottle of lube up there already, I don't know what else to - '

Thor pulled his head down and kissed him. A chaste pressing of lips at first, then when Bruce didn't pull away he turned it into a series of slow, gentle kisses that trailed down his jaw. 'Relax, Bruce,' he whispered in his ear, and smiled when Bruce shivered above him. He trailed his hands down his own sculpted chest; light, teasing touches that he knew would make his body warm and tingly.

'That... helps a little, actually,' Bruce sighed, eyes closing.

'It doesn't have to be weird. We're hardly strangers.' He gripped his own hips to steady him. 'We touch each other all the time. But I don't know how to make your body relax and unless I can, we may be here all night.'

'Mmm.' Bruce's face was shining with sweat, chest heaving, and although Thor cringed inwardly at the unflattering view it was finally causing some stirrings down below.

Then Bruce pressed their bodies together and sank his teeth into his neck and his dick jumped like it had received an electric shock. He moaned at the unexpected jolt of pain, reflexively bucking his hips. This body didn't particularly enjoy being pinned down, but the fingernails that raked up his side left him gasping. In return, he reached down and gripped his ass, kneading at the muscle until Bruce was trembling. For a moment he forgot they were in the wrong bodies and just enjoyed the sensations.

'This doesn't change anything, right?' Bruce asked when they came up for air, lips pink and wet. 'Between us, I mean. I don't want to make things... weird.'

Thor stared blankly back at him, momentarily too blissed-out to understand. 'Of course not. You're my friend, Bruce. Nothing will change that.'

He smiled sadly. 'Okay. Okay, good. I just... you're my best friend. This feels like bad territory.'

'On Asgard, sex between platonic friends is commonplace. This isn't as strange for me as you think.' It was hard to be earnest when his Bruce-boner stood thick and proud, jutting into Bruce's stomach. 'I still expect to have our waffle burgers when this is all over.'

Bruce smiled. 'Okay... good.' He hesitated, then pressed his mouth to Thor's. It was a long and lingering kiss, not quite as urgent but perhaps more meaningful. They finally pulled apart, short of breath, their foreheads pressed together. 'You ready to try again?' he asked deeply.

Thor nodded, and the weight on top of his body was gone as Bruce got back into kneeling position. He pushed in slowly. The burning sensation intensified and so too did Thor's discomfort. The head popped in and Thor blindly clung to his arms, breath hissing through his teeth. 'Wait! Wait, hold still.' He tried to take deep breaths but he could feel himself starting to panic. His own body would have been fine with this. This one was not.

Bruce frowned. 'What's wrong?'

He tried to take deep breaths but he suddenly felt trapped. The heat radiating off their bodies, the uncomfortable stickiness everywhere, everything was overwhelming. 'I'm not comfortable.'

He froze at once, hands curling around his shoulders. 'Am I hurting you?'

'Not really. But I'm not sure your body is keen on this idea.' Bruce's body hated this intrusion, hated the giving up of control. 'I'll be alright. Just... go slowly, please.' His heart was thundering in his chest, but they needed to finish this.

'I promise. Just tell me when you need to stop.' Bruce's hands slid back down to grip Thor's hips. 'Just a couple minutes, and then we'll be back in our bodies and we can pretend this never happened.'

He pulled out slightly, then pushed in another inch and the panic that had been rising within him suddenly peaked. An inhuman roar ripped from Thor's throat and he shoved Bruce off the bed without consciously deciding too. A green haze descended over his vision. The last thing he saw was the naked body of Thor scrambling away with his hands over his face screaming for help, then the beast took over and green became black.

He woke up lying in a pile of rubble, naked and cold, surrounded by Avengers pointing weapons at him.

'Well, that's now burned into my brain for the rest of time.' Tony's suit powered down. 'No wonder they call ya big green, Brucie.'

Bruce had his head in his hands, still in Thor's body, wearing only a hastily-thrown-on pair of pyjama pants. 'I can explain...'

'Please don't.' Steve retrieved his shield from the debris, which Thor recognised was the remains of his room.

'Please do,' said Clint, lowering his bow. 'Come on, don't tell me you guys _haven't_ wondered what the Hulk's junk looks like?'

'Most of us don't have your filthy mind, Barton.' Nat holstered her guns.

'Oh, so that time you two were flirting last Christmas it never crossed your mind, huh?' Clint smirked.

'You're not helping.' Bruce yanked a red jacket from the remains of Thor's wardrobe and tossed it at him. 'At least no one was hurt.'

Tony flipped up his helmet. 'Let's sort this out in the morning. It's 3am and I want the rest of my beauty sleep.'

Thor clambered unsteadily out of the rubble, his whole body prickling with shame and it wasn't all Bruce's either. 'I'm sorry, everyone.'

'I'll get JARVIS to assess the damage. Maybe you fellas should go to sleep before you do anything else.' Tony's expression was entirely too knowing.

Bruce took Thor's elbow. 'Night, guys.'

As they rounded the corner, Tony called, 'Tell Hulk to smash more gently next time!'

'I want to disappear,' Bruce muttered.

Since Thor couldn't go back to his ruined room, they went back to Bruce's apartment. Thor's body ached, and he felt twitchy and tired. 'We can try again,' he said quietly as he closed the door behind them.

Bruce shook his head. 'I think watching myself turn into an angry, naked Hulk was a bit of a mood-killer.' He folded his arms, eyeing Thor critically. 'You'd better uh, clean up.'

Thor realised he was drenched in sweat, sticky in places he didn't want to be sticky. 'Right.' He wandered into the bathroom. This time, he didn't invite Bruce into the shower with him. He turned the temperature up as high as it would go and his body sang with relief as the room filled with steam. Hulk had appeared without warning - or maybe he'd just not recognised the signs.

Out in the apartment, the sun was beginning to rise over New York. Bruce was shuffling around in the bedroom. Part of Thor wanted to go to him, but the things he wanted to say could wait until morning. Instead, he took the couch and drifted into uneasy sleep.

 

 

Breakfast was awkward.

Bruce kept his gaze trained resolutely on his pop-tarts as the other Avengers bustled around making breakfast. Clint had given him a knowing wink before delving into the cereal cupboard. Steve had offered a curt 'Morning' and proceeded to avoid eye-contact. Tony had smirked at him and mused loudly about building a Hulk-proof bed. Nat had threatened to strangle Tony with a tea towel until he shut up.

They knew. Worse, they didn't know  _why_. So presumably everyone had assumed that there was some weird kind of attraction going on, or that Bruce had always fantasised about fucking the Hulk, or Thor was so in love with himself that they'd wanted to try something, or...

Nat sat down opposite him. 'Have you found any new leads?' she asked simply. Everyone glanced up, then pretended to be busy again.

Bruce just shook his head.

'I thought Doctor Strange was supposed to be working on something for you guys?' She frowned. 'Maybe I need to go send him a little "reminder".'

'No, he's - he's done enough, for now. He's uh, working on it.' His mouth was dry as he chewed on a pop-tart. Thor's body was perfectly happy, but god Bruce was sick of pop-tarts. He was sick of feeling too big, too tall, too loud. And now he might have ruined his closest friendship. Because even when - if - they switched back, last night would be fresh in everyone's minds. Every move would be scrutinised, their breakfast "dates" taking on extra meaning. And Thor would pull away, finally suspecting that Bruce liked him much more than a normal friend should...

He looked up and found himself staring into his own brown eyes. 'May we talk?' said Thor. He was dressed in a yellow shirt and beige pants, an outfit that Bruce himself had picked out before now.

Bruce's stomach turned. He nodded, aware that the others were intently listening. Even Steve glanced up from whatever he was boiling to death on the stove. 'Sure.' He left his plate on the table and followed Thor out of the kitchen. 'What is it?'

But Thor headed for the elevators. 'I thought we could go for a walk.'

Oh god. A long conversation. Bruce took a deep, steadying breath and braced himself for the shit he knew was coming. 'Great,' he said lightly, 'Fine.'

They wandered down the early morning streets of New York, pretending everything was normal. Thor pointed out unfamiliar things in shop windows for Bruce to explain and Bruce suggested some new additions to their music playlist. Before long he found himself relaxing and laughing along as usual, daring to hope that Thor really had just wanted a walk after all. Then Thor suggested they get donuts and Bruce knew something was up.

They ate them on a bench in City Hall Park, where the silence grew from companionable to pointed. Bruce decided to put him out of his misery. 'So I'm guessing you asked me out here for a reason. Is this about last night?'

Thor looked up sharply, his gaze intensified by the circles under his brown eyes, and nodded. 'I think... we should have talked about this more. You were right; it wasn't a good idea and it clearly made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry.'

Bruce scrunched the donut wrapper in his hand. It was weird to lack that compulsion for fiddling with things. Thor's body just tensed up instead, rigid like a statue. 'You didn't exactly force me in there. It's fine.'

A group of joggers passed them, pointing and waving. Thor ignored them. 'Bruce... I know this sort of thing isn't comfortable for you. But the way your body was reacting last night - you've had a difficult past. You should have told me if there was any underlying, erm...' He scratched his head.

Bruce stared at him blankly. 'Underlying...? Oh, I wasn't abused or anything like that. No. Thor, no.' He could feel himself blushing and fixed his gaze on a group of pigeons attacking half a sandwich left on the grass. 'I just don't like being the bottom guy. Generally. Well, ever. I guess Hulk got a little confused and thought you were in danger.' He didn't look up, letting Thor digest this information.

'Interesting.' Thor also appeared to be looking at something very interesting in the far distance. 'Because given the choice, I prefer to be underneath.'

'Really?' The god of thunder, one-man army and force of nature, would rather relinquish control in bed? It put some very interesting pictures in Bruce's head, ones he shouldn't be entertaining in public (Thor's body had something of a hair-trigger for arousal - another thing he shouldn't really know). 'Okay, I wouldn't have guessed that.'

When he dared to look back, Thor was watching him intently. 'Would sex be such a bad thing? You've been in my body for a while now. You must have noticed how it reacts around your own.' And he lightly rested his hand on Bruce's knee.

Bruce's leg tingled, and a pleasant weight settled in his stomach. He swallowed. 'I... had some suspicions,' he said eventually, and a thrill travelled through him. Hesitantly, he rested his large hand on top of Thor's and interlinked their fingers. 'Did you know? About - about me.'

He smiled. 'For a little while, yes.'

They fell into silence again, watching the world go by. Then a pair of teenagers started pointing and staring from the bench opposite, and Bruce remembered they were holding hands. 'Maybe we should try again,' he said quietly, pulling away. He felt shaky all of a sudden, unsure what to do with this new information. Thor was attracted to him. What did that mean for them?

Thor opened his mouth to say something, but Bruce got there first. 'But I think we should wait until we're back to normal before we figure out... this.' He waved a vague hand between them.

Thor chuckled. 'Agreed.'

He felt like laughing. He felt like crying. The one thing he didn't want to mess up and now he had to confront the very feelings he'd bottled up for so long... 'I think I'm gonna sit out here for a little while.'

'Of course.' He seemed to understand at once, and stood up. 'I thought it best to talk out here. The last thing the others need is more to gossip about.' Thor rested a hand on his shoulder, and it seemed easier for him this time. 'See you later, Bruce.'

Bruce smiled and watched him go, then settled down to watch the pigeons and let his mind wander.

 

 

Thor began his walk back to Stark Tower, his body full of nervous energy but feeling satisfied with what he'd accomplished. He'd suspected Bruce had had feelings for him, but he had his own reasons for not pressing the issue before. Now, it was hard to ignore. This body positively lit up when it saw Thor's own, and it seemed silly to deny it when the very thing that would switch them back required them to be open with one another.

He was smiling as he strode down the sidewalk. This time tomorrow, he could be back in his body to finish the last of the pop-tarts. And then... well, who knew?

The shortcut down the alleyway turned out to be a mistake.

The only warning he got was a soft whoosh of air behind him. Something cold and sharp landed in his shoulder. He whipped round and saw two armed men blocking his entrance, wielding guns.

‘Bruce?’ he shouted, breaking into a run and yanking the dart out. A second hit him in the back, a third in the leg. ‘Help! I'm being attack-’ The ground tilted beneath him and he fell hard, grazing his arms on the asphalt. Hulk reared up within him, only too happy to be called forth.

The change began more slowly this time, a grinding ache as his bones grew and stretched –

Someone grabbed a handful of his hair and pushed his face into the ground. His hand spasmed, fingers curling and turning green. ‘ _Hulk smash – ‘_

A sharp prick as a needle was inserted into his neck and Hulk shrank and died away. Thor made a final desperate attempt to stay awake, then joined the beast’s descent into darkness.


	6. Thunderstruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce Banner wants his FUCKING BOYFRIEND BACK. Badassery ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I was so excited to write this chapter you thought this was just some smut with a sprinkling of plot NOPE YOU GET BAMF GAMMAHAMMER TOO I love these boys. There are references to the Incredible Hulk film, but all is explained. <3
> 
> Warnings for non-consensual drugging, needles, vague mentions of Bruce's past traumas, and blood. (It's not that dark I promise.)

It took two hours for Bruce to realise Thor was missing.

He sat on the bench for a long while, contemplating things. Yes, part of him had always hoped that Thor's lingering touches and suggestive smiles had been hints, but... now he couldn't hide things anymore. And not knowing what could happen next terrified him.

Seeking a distraction, he pulled out his phone. The screen was still cracked from the car crash, but it was usable. His camera roll was mostly empty; just photos of his own whiteboard notes and equations. But Thor had taken a few sneaky selfies when Bruce had left it lying around: clumsy, low-angle shots of his smug, beaming face. In the background of the photos, Bruce was slaving over his lab equipment, oblivious. The final photo depicted the two of them together. Thor had his arm around Bruce's shoulders, cheek resting on his head. Bruce was smiling bemusedly, glasses still perched on the end of his nose. Both looked calm and content and... happy.

Bruce sighed and scrolled through some old messages. There weren't many. Since the other guy first showed up his only focus had been getting through: keep moving, trust no one, don't get comfortable. Yet here he was, in his own apartment with a family of superheroes. He'd had time to rediscover himself, his sense of fun. He'd always told himself he'd never get involved with anyone after Betty. But here, he was understood. His friends still liked him knowing who he was. Hulk was even useful here. Did that - should that change things? Either way, it was cowardly to hide out here much longer. He needed to get back to the tower, face his fears, and get his damn body back. Possibly even enjoy doing it.

The screen flashed up with an incoming call. Bruce answered. 'Tony?'

_'I need you back here. Our wizard friends are back for a round two.'_

'Oh great.' Bruce scanned the sky for explosion clouds. 'Where?'

_'Not sure, just got a call from Steve. But neither of you are fit to fight. Get your asses home.'_

'On my way.' He began to stride back towards Stark Tower. 'Thor's already there.'

' _At the tower?  No he's not.'_

'What do you mean? He left ages ago.' A strange sinking feeling was happening in his stomach, and it had nothing to do with the donuts he'd eaten. 'Why wouldn't he go straight back?'

 _'Shit. Just what we need. Why the hell weren't you with him, Bruce?'_   Tony snapped, and there was real fear in his voice. Bruce had never heard Tony scared before. ' _Goddamit - alright, come back here. Last thing we need is both of you missing.'_

'What's going on, Tony?' Thor was perfectly capable alone. He was powerful, indestructible, fearless... and currently walking around in Bruce's body. 'Tony. What aren't you telling me?'

There was whirring in the background of the call, as if Tony was suiting up. ' _He's been on your tail for a little while, acting from a base somewhere in Harlem. We've all been keeping a lookout for you, making sure you didn't go out alone and give him a tempting target.'_

'For god's sake, who?'

_'Your old pal. General Ross.'_

Bruce's breath caught in his throat. He turned his stride into a full sprint towards the tower. 'And you _didn't tell me?'_

_'Bruce, there's no time. Just come back to the tower. Stay on the phone. You know Ross' security better than we do, you can direct us once we've figured out where he is.'_

People stared as he pelted down the streets, clutching his phone like a lifeline. 'No way. I'm not staying on the sidelines. We need to find him now.'

_'I agree, but we have a small problem of the whole city being in danger right now. Saving your space boyfriend will have to wait.'_

'You're not going to look for him? Do you know what they'll do to him, Tony? Send someone over there!' He elbowed a group of twittering fans out of the way.

_'I can't spare anyone. JARVIS is combing through satellite data to try and get a fix on him. Sit tight.'_

Bruce stopped running. 'I can't lose him,' he said hoarsely. 'Tony, please. At least tell me what I can do to help.'

_'Nothing. You're not combat trained. You don't even have the Hulk. You'll only get in the way.'_

'Gee, thanks.' Fuck, they'd walked so far. Stark Tower was still ten minutes away even running. 'So all this time we've spent together, as a team, suddenly now I'm not an Avenger? Oh, I forgot. Hulk is. Not me.'

_'You're too emotionally invested. You're off the roster for now. That's an order.'_

At the intersection, the lights were on red. Bruce strode up to a large man sitting on a motorbike. 'Hey, I need your bike.'

The man looked up with a sneer, cracking his knuckles threateningly. 'Oh, yeah? You want a fist in your - holy shit, you're Thor! Please don't hurt me... just take it.'

'Pay Stark a visit, he'll buy you a new one.' Bruce clambered on, mindful of his longer legs.

_'Did you just take a guy's bike? Bruce, I'm not playing around here! Oh hey, Nat? Yeah. Where are you guys? Well, I need you here. Now.'_

'See you in Harlem, Tony.'

_'Bruce don't you dare go in there without backup - '_

He hung up.

Back when the Avengers had first assembled, Bruce had stolen a bike so he could ride across town and join the group for the final fight (after some soul-searching). It had been the first time he'd ridden in years, but it had come back to him as easily as - well, riding a bike. This time, Thor's body didn't have the muscle memory, but it learned fast and soon he was cutting corners and weaving through the traffic. There were a lot of honks and skids but he didn't look back as he tore up the streets.

General Thaddeus Ross. He'd seen his name float around on the news now and then, often vocally praising the military and publically doubting the Avengers. The last time Bruce had been in Harlem, he'd fought the Abomination - Ross' own attempt to create a super soldier, driven insane by the combination of super serum and Bruce's own blood. A perfect example of why the military should never have his secrets, and now they had exactly what they wanted. And all of Bruce's friends, Thor included, had chosen to keep Ross' stalking a secret. Was that why Thor always accompanied him for his weekend breakfast drives?

Bruce jumped the bike down a flight of stairs and landed so hard his teeth clacked together. Nothing mattered now, only getting there in time. He'd lost enough good things in his life. He wasn't about to lose Thor too.

When he finally reached Harlem, he pulled up on the sidewalk and checked his phone. Two missed calls and a final text from Tony, containing a string of coordinates.

_all tied up here. good luck._

 

 

He was somewhere cold and brightly lit.

Thor kept his eyes closed and his breathing even as his senses returned to him. Machines whirred somewhere behind him, the sound echoing off the walls of a large, empty space. If he listened more closely, he could hear quiet breathing, the odd rustle of clothing, a footstep. It took him a moment to remember he was still in Bruce’s body, and then his heart went cold. They’d taken him. Just as Tony had feared they would. And it was Thor's fault for wandering off.

'I know you're awake.'

A man's voice, soft and confident. It wasn't instantly familiar but it made Bruce's body stiffen in shock. He opened his eyes. He was in an underground bunker by the looks of it: bare concrete walls and floor. Armed soldiers surrounded him in a semi-circle, guns pointing at him. And in front of them stood a grey-haired man in uniform, smiling behind a clipped moustache. 'Nice and relaxed, Banner? Good. Been a long time, hasn't it?'

General Ross. The man who'd hounded Bruce for years. Thor blinked at him through the haze. He felt... unusually calm to be in this situation. 'What did you drug me with?' he slurred.

'Just something to keep you complacent. Keep that heart rate nice and slow.' He paced in front of him, hands clasped behind his back. 'I'm sure you don't want any more blood on your hands, after all.' The light from the machines behind Thor gave his face an eerie red glow.

'Br - I'm under Stark's protection.' He looked down to find himself restrained in a reinforced metal chair. The straps bit painfully into his wrists and ankles. 'Or have you forgotten the agreement you signed? The military is forbidden to go anywhere near me.'

'You haven't been watching the news? I'm not military anymore. They fired me three months ago.' He smiled. 'So I thought, what the hell. I'll go freelance for a while. The government will be begging for my return when they see what I've created for them.'

No wonder Stark had been extra concerned with Bruce's whereabouts. Did anyone even know he was gone? 'Whatever you're planning, it won't work,' he slurred. The cold metal beneath him brought bile to his throat. His body was shaking violently, and it wasn't that cold down here. How many times had Bruce been subjected to this? What else was in his past that he'd never even mentioned? 'I won't help you,' he whispered.

'I don't need your help. I just need your blood. Don't worry, we'll keep you comfortable.' He nodded to somewhere in the corner behind him. 'Set him up.'

Then a faceless man was standing beside him, jabbing a needle into his arm. Thor fought against his restraints with everything he had, but even if he hadn't been drugged Bruce didn't have his superhuman strength. His harsh pants echoed off the bare walls as the surgeon finished hooking him up to a drip before retreating back out of sight. His breaths came in short bursts and his eyes welled up. This was what Ross had been planning all this time. Not to make use of Bruce's intellect, but to keep him down here like a lab rat. Just a blood bag. A resource to be used.

He looked calmly up at the impassive general, and swore he would bring this man to justice.

But the drug was strong, and it was hard to feel anything but despair and calm acceptance of what was happening. The machine whirred behind him, drawing dark blood through the tube and into Odin only knew where. Thor's eyelids drooped, his head heavy. It would be so easy to give up.  _Come on you big green idiot, I need you. Why must you only appear when Bruce is angry? He's in danger right now. Why aren't you here? Why can't you help him?_

HULK TRAPPED

Thor's eyes snapped open. Ross was watching him closely. 'Dosage a little high? Can't be too careful.'

_Come on. If you don't come out we'll be trapped down here forever. I'm sure you don't want to be here either. Don't you want revenge on the man who did this to you?_

No reply.

He was so tired. His gaze wandered over the soldiers and their blank, uncaring faces. 'After... what happens after?'

'After?' Ross cocked his head to one side, eyes glittering. 'You getting bored of my company already, Banner? We'll keep you here a little while. Maybe when we're done I'll let some of my scientists loose on you. One of them was curious to know if you could still Hulk out once he'd cut you in half.'

Thor struggled miserably against the straps, a growl of frustration escaping his lips, then he slumped back in defeat and closed his eyes. 'I'll make you pay for this,' he murmured.

Ross merely chuckled. 'I look forward to it. I'll come check on you in a few hours. If you're lucky I might get someone to bring you a snack. How do you feel about burgers?'

The word conjured up a vivid memory: of Bruce laughing as they sang along to music, safe and happy as he drove them to breakfast. Thor gritted his teeth against the lump in his throat and focused on not passing out.  _Hulk. You heard him. Come on._

THOR NOT ANGRY ENOUGH

_If you can come out during sex you can definitely come out now!_

Thor opened one eye. He may have said that last thought out loud. The soldiers were exchanging puzzled glances.

TOO MUCH BAD STUFF

The drugs. His system was swamped with chemicals and Hulk couldn't get through. He sighed, furiously trying to think of something else.

BUT HULK CAN BURN IT

Thor took a deep breath, then nodded.  _Do it._

The heat that rippled through him felt different to last time. It wasn't the stretching and grinding of a transformation, but a fire that travelled up through his bones and fizzed across his skin. His skin pulsed green, then faded. At once Thor felt revitalised, awake, ready, as if he'd swallowed a hearty cup of ale and chased it with some of Bruce's coffee. And strong enough to rip through the straps on the chair like they were made of elastic.

The soldiers opened fire.

Thor threw himself behind the chair as bullets ricocheted off the walls, a deafening roar in the echoing space. He tore out the IV and tossed it away. Hulk pawed at the edges of his mind, eager to fight. But Bruce was already ashamed of how many he'd harmed and Thor didn't want to add more to that total. Plus, they'd be prepared to fight a monster. Perhaps Bruce's body didn't need any green help today; Thor had just remembered something important.

He thrust his hand out in front of him, fingers splayed. The son of Odin may be living in a mortal's body, but he was still Thor. Surely even now, he was still worthy?

Over the din of gunfire, there were distant crashes from above. Thor smiled.

There was a deep boom as something punched through the ceiling, and a flash of blue light lit up the bunker. He looked out from his shelter in time to see the soldiers thrown across the room, felled by a stunning bolt of electricity. But already there were shouts from above, heavy boots clomping down the stairs.

The body of Bruce Banner grabbed Mjolnir from the air and shifted into battle stance.

When they came for him, he was ready. The first soldier to appear in the doorway was felled with a throw of his hammer, the second knocked down as he summoned it back to his hand.

He attempted a mocking laugh. Not as deep but not bad with Bruce's vocal cords. 'This is the best you can do?' he shouted.

But they kept coming. Thor spun the hammer, deflecting a wall of bullets, then slammed it down and sent out a shockwave that knocked them all flat. Every second, Hulk grew more desperate to come out. The weight in his mind grew heavier until it was hard to concentrate.

Thor enjoyed battles. To a god, they were almost a past-time. But here the stakes were too high, and fighting in a mortal body was different; he threw Mjolnir and something wrenched in his shoulder. The buzz from earlier was fading as he pushed Hulk back down, and he realised with a flash of fear that he was tiring.

PUNY THOR

'Shut up,' he muttered. He'd fought his way up the stairs and found himself staring down a long, windowless corridor. And there were still more soldiers up ahead.

Thor leapt up and grabbed Mjolnir, hurtling down the corridor over their heads. It just about pulled Bruce's arm from its socket, and he landed heavily.

'He's getting away!'

'He won't get far.'

Everything ached as the exhaustion returned to him. Thor straightened up and faced them defiantly, but now he was surrounded. And who knew how many more were on their way?  _I'm sorry, Bruce._

Then Ross' voice crackled through the soldiers' radios. ' _All units, we have a breach. I repeat, we have a - '_

Then the ceiling caved in, showering them in rubble. Thor staggered, pressing his mouth to his sleeve as he choked on brick dust. There were urgent cries for backup from those trapped under it.

As the dust cloud cleared, Thor watched his own body rise up from the debris. Stones bounced off Bruce's armoured shoulders, his red cloak rippling in the air trickling in from above. 'Where is he?' he boomed. And Thor knew everything would be alright.

'I'm here,' he coughed, stumbling towards him.

'Oh, thank god.' Bruce's shoulders slumped in relief. 'I thought I was too late.' He clambered over broken bricks and soldiers, ignoring the occasional indignant _oof._ 'What happened? Are you okay?' He grabbed Thor in a bruising hug. 'I can't believe they took you...'

'I'm fine.' There were shouts from above. He pulled away. 'Actually, I was already handling the situation.' He smiled and raised Mjolnir.

Bruce laughed. 'Well, do you want some help?'

Thor winked. 'Can you sing _Immigrant Song_ for me?'

The next wave of soldiers came thick and fast, twice as many as before. Ross' voice crackled through the tannoy. ' _You can't win here Banner. I've already got what I needed. If you both hand yourselves in now I might just let you live.'_

'Does he really think he can beat us?' Thor threw his hammer and knocked out a row of soldiers. 'He is only one mortal. What advantage could he have?'

Bruce grabbed the nearest one and threw him effortlessly into the fray. 'Apart from a small army, you mean? At least it's not a horde of homemade Hulks.'

'Oh no... Bruce, they took some of my blood - your blood. It was down in the basement, but... he must have taken it during the fight.'

Bruce paled. 'We need to get it back. Now. If he uses it he'll become... I'm not even sure what it would do. But he wouldn't be like me.'

A man leapt up in Thor's blindside. He swung Mjolnir but missed as his wrenched shoulder flashed with pain. But Bruce was already there, landing a deft kick in the soldier's chest and launching him across the room. 'Stay behind me,' he ordered.

Whilst Hulk was a formidable opponent in battle, Thor had always considered Bruce to be the opposite: quiet, calm and avoidant of conflict. So he was surprised to see him nimbly dodging attacks, ducking under blows and using his enemies' strength against them. A fighting style that leant itself to a smaller man, but here he was unstoppable. 

For once, Thor remained on the sidelines. Bruce's body wasn't a heavy-hitter, so he helped with long-range attack, launching the hammer like a javelin and summoning it back before it hit the floor. The wrenched shoulder wasn't improving.

HULK FIGHT

He shook his head. Not now. Not yet. A Hulk out now could bring the ceiling down, or crush the unconscious soldiers. Too many things could go wrong. He threw Mjolnir at the ceiling, punching a tunnel up through the floors. 'We need to get to Ross,' he shouted. 'This is merely a distraction.'

'You're right.' Bruce hurried over and looped an arm around his waist. 'I can jump pretty high now, right?'

'Those thighs aren't just for show, you know.'

He laughed, bent low then leapt through the hole. In a couple of bounds they were on the top floor. All the doors were closed, except for one. Behind it, Ross could be heard barking orders to his unconscious troops. 'Alpha team, do you copy? Report dammit!'

Bruce kicked the door open and strode in. Ross sat in a chair similar to the one Thor had been strapped to. There was a drip in his arm, and it was hooked up to a crumpled IV bag of blood. Dark fluid crept along the tube, but it hadn't yet reached the vein. 'Don't take another step,' he warned, gun pointed at Bruce.

Thor threw the hammer at the IV. It clattered to the ground, the tube whipping out of Ross' arm. Blood leaked gently over the floor as Ross howled in rage.

'It's over,' said Bruce. 'You lost.' He held his ground, staring him down. 'Do you really think one bullet's gonna hurt me?'

Ross wavered, glancing between them. Thor's body was trembling so hard he could barely keep the hammer straight. But it wasn't fear, he realised, it was rage. Cold rage for the misery Ross had inflicted upon him, upon Bruce, and here he was, defenceless at last. When Hulk roared in his mind, it sounded as if he was in the room with them. 'Bruce,' he whispered.

Ross lunged for the puddle of blood on the floor. Bruce kicked him in the head and tackled him to the floor, the gun spinning away. 'Don't you fucking move,' he growled.

Thor leaned back against the wall, fighting to take deeper breaths. But he couldn't take his eyes off the general, leering up at him under Bruce's hold. 'You haven't changed. Still hiding behind others, playing the victim.'

Thor stared back at him, the war raging inside his head. He had to keep Hulk contained. For Bruce's sake.

With one free hand, Bruce took out his phone. 'Tony? Yeah. All good. Top floor. Okay, see you in a min-'

A blast tore through the ceiling of the corridor outside. Steve fell through the hole and rolled to a crouch, shield out. 'How are you fellas doing?' He was bloodied and battle-worn, but showed no signs of tiredness.

Thor nodded. 'It was a glorious battle. Shame you missed it.'

Tony landed beside him. 'Mind if we drop in? We just got done fighting space wizards but I'm always down to kick some more ass.'

'Already kicked it thanks, Tony.' Bruce gave him a halfhearted thumbs-up. Ross grunted and struggled beneath him.

A rope was tossed down through the hole and Clint and Nat slid down. 'Tony decided not to tell us what was going on,' said Nat with steel in her voice, shooting a glare at Tony.

'Police are on their way though.' Clint strode in, clapping Thor on the shoulder. 'Figured you'd want to see this sack of shit behind bars. Thanks Thor - uh, Bruce, I got him.' He drew his bow and pointed it at Ross. 'You take a rest.'

Bruce stood up gratefully, then went straight over to Thor and hugged him. 'You okay?'

'Yeah.' He clutched him tightly, feeling some of the strain ease away. This body was tired, and it had seen too many reminders of Bruce's grim past. 'It was brave of you to come back here, alone.'

'I'd never leave you here.' Bruce hid his face in his shoulder. 'Never.'

'You guys stick together.' Steve cleared his throat. 'Alright team, we've got a lot of hostiles down below. Let's get them secured.'

The rest of the Avengers trooped past, and Thor realised how grateful he was to be one of them. He stepped away from Bruce and raised his hand, and Mjolnir leapt into his grasp.

Bruce smiled. 'So does that mean you're worthy or my body is?'

'Alas, just me.' His heart warmed at the soft expression on Bruce's face. By now, he could almost see the little scientist behind his own likeness, and before he was conscious of what he was doing his hand was cupping Bruce's cheek and he was gazing into his eyes. Bruce sighed, leaning into his touch, their lips brushing - 

A gunshot.

Time seemed to slow down, the echo of it ringing in their ears. Thor turned slowly to see Clint wrestling a second gun from Ross' hand, the others hurrying back to help. He looked at Bruce, dimly registered the panic in his blue eyes, the tightness of the hands gripping his arms. Then he noticed the crippling pain shooting up his leg and fell to his knees.

'Thor? Hey, Thor? You're gonna be okay, it's okay...' Bruce knelt with him, not once loosening his grip. But he sounded as if he was coming from underwater.

Behind him, Ross' face was an inhuman snarl. 'Fuck you, Banner. Fuck you.' Clint and Steve each had an arm pinned behind his back, but the damage was done. 'Go on, change. Show the world the monster you really are.'

The bullet was in his ankle; he could feel the grind of cold steel as he tried to move. Thor wasn't used to pain. As a god he could walk through fire and merely singe his cloak. This was agony on a level he could barely comprehend. It blinded his thoughts with a blanket of heat. And Hulk was screaming to get out and punish the man who had done this.

'Don't let him out. Thor? Look at me. If you Hulk out now, he's gonna kill everyone in this building. You can fight this.'

But Thor had always been impulsive, emotional, hotheaded. He'd never had to reign in his emotions like Bruce, and the fury crashed over him in waves. When Bruce had first joined the Avengers, he'd trusted no one. He'd awake screaming from nightmares, fending off imaginary attackers. He'd struggle to eat, retreating into himself rather than talk about any of it. But little by little, as his trust grew, the real Bruce had emerged. He'd started to heal and find happiness again. And Ross would have happily undone all of that and drag him back into his worst nightmares.

'He's strong but you're stronger. I'm begging you, Thor.’ Bruce was gripping his wrists, kneeling in front of him. 'Don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me with more blood on my hands.’

But it wasn't up to Thor anymore. 'He's so strong,' he gasped. A tear rolled down his cheek. He stared into his own eyes and felt a distant pang of affection in his body.

'You're stronger,' Bruce whispered.

The change rolled over him like a storm cloud sliding over the sun. Thor looked down at their hands, at the green spreading over his skin. ' I'm sorry,' he croaked, then Hulk came crashing in.

 

 

Bruce watched his own face morph and change and twist into something else, something inhuman and wild but still vaguely him. Despite the media coverage, he'd never actually seen himself transform before (that time with Thor had been too dark and panicked to see much). And it was terrifying. His yellow shirt was torn to ribbons as the Hulk came through. It took only a few seconds. He stared at Bruce, panting, then threw back his head and roared so loud the floor shook.

General Ross finally looked scared.

Face twisted in rage, Hulk took a step towards him, then faltered. Green blood seeped from the wounded ankle. Whatever they'd drugged him with had prevented this from being a full-strength transformation. But Hulk didn't need much strength to crush Ross like a bug.

Steve stood up, arms outstretched. 'Sun's getting low, big guy. It's okay - ' He was thrown aside by a casual swipe of Hulk's fist, leaving only Clint standing between them. And Clint seemed to be considering if protecting Ross was a lost cause anyway.

'Hulk!' Bruce shouted. Hulk turned, and now Bruce had the attention of his huge, angry, green alter ego. 'It's me. Banner. I know you never listen to me. I know how much you hate me. But if you kill him we don't get out of here. They'll lock us up. For good.'

Hulk prodded at his ankle, scowling at the blood that stained his fingers. 'Hulk hurt,' he growled.

'Are you listening? This isn't a problem you can fix. If you kill him, someone else will take his place.'

Hulk looked at Ross, who was huddled on the floor, weaponless. He pointed at him. 'Hurt puny Banner. Hurt Hulk.'

'I know. But you can't harm him.'

He snarled and thumped his fist into the floor, leaving a tyre-sized crater. 'Fine.' He folded his huge arms, like a child who'd been told off. 'Hulk not a monster.'

Ross scoffed. 'Well, what do you call this, Frankenstein?'

'Not talking to you.' And Hulk turned back to face Bruce. His face contorted as if he was thinking hard, as if this was something he'd been thinking about for some time. 'Hulk protect Banner. Smash bad guys. Sometimes throw stuff for fun. But not monster.'

Bruce was stunned. 'I never said - what are you talking about?'

'Hulk not stupid. If smashing him make bad stuff happen, then Hulk not smash. Simple.' He thumped his chest for emphasis.

'I think that's the longest thing I've ever heard him say,' Steve muttered, brushing brick dust off his suit.

'But Hulk, you have hurt people. Remember Nat, on the helicarrier? And what about the soldiers?'

Hulk shrugged. 'Red lady lied to Banner. Made him angry. Soldiers made Banner scared. Hulk only come out to help Banner.'

Bruce wanted to deny it, but suddenly it all made sense. Hulk only appeared when Bruce asked, or to protect him. Perhaps the reason he'd been doing better lately was because Hulk had decided he was protected enough.

'Hulk protect Thor too. Banner like Thor.' He leaned down, brown eyes staring into his. 'Banner hate Hulk.'

Bruce softened. 'Maybe Banner was wrong.' He held out a hand. 'We're all good here. Thanks for looking after Thor. Now it's my turn to protect you. I can't carry you like this, you need to let Thor back in.'

Hulk sighed, a warm gust of air. 'Banner fight well. Hulk still better, though.' He pointed at Ross. 'Smash him a little bit?' 

Bruce chuckled. 'See you round, buddy.'

Hulk smiled reluctantly, then he was shrinking until Bruce's body lay in its place. ‘I’m sorry,’ Thor mumbled. ‘He was too strong...'

'It's okay.' Bruce took off his cloak and wrapped it around him, then gathered him up into his arms. He nodded at Clint and Steve, then looked coolly down at the dishevelled general, who was staring at the floor in disgrace. 'We won,' he said softly, resting his chin on his own dark-haired head. 'Let's go home.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so fun to have a little Bruce/Hulk convo here. This one took a little longer to write/edit, I apologise <3 smutty fluffy h/c goodness to follow!


	7. Come As You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor Gets Inside Bruce Banner (In The Fun Way)!  
> H/C, smut, GammaHammer cuddles, all that good shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the chapter you've been waiting for!
> 
> Holy shit sorry it's been a while shit got real busy and smut's hard to write and uh yeah. There's going to be one more chapter after this to wrap things up *sniff* but here ya go <3

They took a cab home.

Tony didn't want a repeat of the Great Manhattan Vomit Incident, so he and Clint stayed behind with Ross to wait for the authorities whilst the others piled into the car. The driver almost had a heart attack when he pulled up and four Avengers got in, but he recovered well and asked no questions as he drove them back to Stark Tower.

Bruce and Nat sat in the back. Thor lay across them both, his head in Bruce's lap whilst Nat kept his leg elevated. Wrapped only in the cloak from Bruce's armour, he was shivering feverishly. But only a couple of blocks later he was asleep in Bruce's arms, snoring gently. Even a brief Hulk out would have floored Bruce on a normal day. For Thor, this was probably mortality overload.

'Tony says you two were pretty badass in there,' Nat murmured. 'He hacked the CCTV cameras to keep an eye on you. I'm still gonna slip something in his coffee, though.'

'Yeah it was... intense back there.' Even this god-body was tired. It wasn't every day you rescued your best friend from the man who'd been hunting you for five years. In your best friend's body.

'He should have told us. Mission be damned.' She glared at the bloody ankle as if it was personally responsible. 'Our teammate was in danger. We could have spared someone.'

'Guess that someone was me.' They turned a corner and Thor slid down a couple of inches. Bruce slipped an arm across his chest to secure him, feeling a surge of protectiveness amplified by being in Thor's body. He'd always known Thor cared about him; only now was he beginning to understand how much. His hand drifted up to stroke his hair before he remembered he was in company.

'You guys are good together.' Nat smiled.

Bruce felt his face grow warm. 'Uh yeah, it was a good fight.'

'You know what I mean, you dork. You think I can't tell when you like someone? I can read you like a book, Banner.'

He sighed. 'Does everyone know?'

'No... well, just Tony and me.'

Steve glanced back from the front passenger seat. 'Uh, I knew as well.'

'Bullshit you did. Only because Clint told you that Thor told him that Bruce had a nice ass.'

Bruce shot her a look of pure betrayal. 'Why didn't Clint tell _me?'_

'We wanted to see how long it would take you.' She smirked. 'Also, Clint was too scared to tell you. He was showing Thor the reddit page at the time.'

Bruce groaned. 'He knows about r/bannerbutt?'

Steve chuckled. 'I'm afraid even Fury knows about r/bannerbutt.' His smile faded a little. 'How's Thor doing back there?'

Nat glanced down. 'Still bleeding, but it's slowing I think.' Bruce's body didn't have Steve's tremendous healing factor, but it still healed much faster than a normal person.

They went over a bump and Thor moaned but didn't wake. When Bruce transformed, any injuries he'd acquired would instantly heal. He'd never known Hulk to sustain a wound. Hopefully Ross hadn't done any lasting damage.

'He'll be alright, Bruce,' Nat assured him with a soft smile. 'Thanks to you.'

Bruce swallowed and stared out of the window at the busy afternoon traffic. So it had never been some big secret. Even Thor had known, on some level. There was no point pretending anymore.

So Bruce held on tightly to the centre of his world and stroked a hand through Thor's soft brown hair.

 

 

Back home, Bruce carried Thor up to the infirmary and watched the medical staff hurry about with morphine and syringes and other fun stuff. He held Thor's hand as they took the bullet out. Thor didn't stir behind the oxygen mask. He looked so small in the large bed. Since the Hulk, Bruce had never so much as caught a cold. The only time he experienced "medical help" was in restraints to keep him complacent. It took him back to memories he didn't want to visit, things he hadn't even told Betty about. It wasn't as if she hadn't hated her father enough.

'Bruce.' Steve was beside him, a hand on his shoulder. 'You need to rest.'

'I'm not leaving him.' His voice came out weak and raspy. Thor never sounded like that. 'Not here.'

'I'll stay with him. I promise.' His blue eyes were too knowing. 'He's in good hands here. They'll take care of him.'

Bruce sighed shakily. 'Okay. Let me know when he's awake.'

'I will.'

With a final glance at Thor, Bruce left the infirmary. The tower was quiet, and he met no one else as he trudged back to his apartment. He was used to solitude, but the room seemed so much smaller without Thor in it. He stepped into the shower and robotically washed the dust and dirt off his body, letting the cool water course over him until the exhaustion set in. Then he stepped out and got dressed in Thor's godawful ASS pyjamas because he had nothing else.

It was raining over Manhattan. Bruce sank onto the sofa with a book and tried to find comfort in the familiar words. Erik Selvig had given Bruce his copy of  _Norse Mythology_ , insisting that it might save his life one day. Tony had not-so-quietly suggested that Loki's mind control had knocked a few screws loose, but Bruce had kept it all the same. Some parts were inaccurate, from what Thor had told him, but many of the stories were true.

_Thor had gone to the east to fight trolls. Asgard was more peaceful without him, but it was also unprotected._

He needed to talk to Thor. Properly. About everything. If he'd died in that godforsaken compound and Bruce had never had the chance to be open with him, never even tried to admit his feelings...

When he checked his phone, there were two messages. The first was from Clint:  _all done here. they took him in, he's looking at years for this. police want statements when ur both up to it._

The other was from Steve:  _He's awake._

Bruce almost sprinted back to the infirmary, heart pounding. Thor was sat up in bed, looking a little bemused to be in a hospital gown but otherwise okay. He was still woozy from the medication but it was clear that the danger had passed. Bruce sat beside him as nurses took his temperature, blood pressure and heart rate until he eventually lost patience and sent them away. The last thing he needed was more tests.

Steve left for a while to let Bruce take over. Tony looked almost remorseful when he came to visit them; he certainly didn't tease and joke as much as usual. Bruce sensed his guilt over sending him in alone, but neither of them addressed the subject. Next came a stern pair of policemen, who took "Bruce" and "Thor"'s statements of the whole ordeal and promised that Ross would be convicted. Clint and Nat brought takeout: a huge, meat-covered pizza that was every carnivore's dream. And finally, as the sun began to set over the rainy afternoon, Thor was allowed to leave.

'This seems a little over the top,' he muttered, shifting uncomfortably in the wheelchair.

'Your ankle's still broken.' Bruce steered him into the elevator. 'Last time I checked I wasn't a world champion in hopping.'

Thor looked sadly down at the cast covering his right foot. 'How long will it take to heal, do you think?'

'In a normal human, six to twelve weeks, But with me... I tend to heal faster. Hulk tends to wipe out any injuries, but I don't think Hulking out now would be a good idea. The bone could heal badly.' In the infirmary, they'd talked only about the fight, and more trivial things. But Bruce realised that in a few minutes they'd finally be alone.

Back in the apartment, he carefully wheeled Thor over the threshold. 'How are you enjoying the whole mortal experience thing?'

'Oh, ten out of ten.' Thor stood up on one foot and deposited himself on the sofa. 'I'm amazed at how weak Midgardians are and yet they still manage to accomplish things.'

'I... think that's a compliment.' Smiling, Bruce sat down next to him. 'I'm glad you're okay.'

They stared out at the view. Bruce remembered the last time they'd sat here together, still exhausted from their fight against the wizards and wondering how the hell they would fix this. Weirdly, he almost felt used to being in this body now. 'I'm sorry,' he said eventually. 'I wouldn't have told you to make your own way back if I'd known what was going to happen.'

'It wasn't your fault. Thor pressed his lips together, dark eyes remorseful. 'We should have told you. It's not for us to decide what's best for you.'

'So you were in on it? You knew Ross was after me?'

He nodded, looking away. 'We all remember how difficult it was for you to adjust to life here.' He cleared his throat. 'Steve and Natasha wanted to tell you, but I insisted we kept it a secret. You seemed so happy lately. I didn't want him to take that away from you too. I was trying to act in your best interests, but I was wrong.'

Bruce considered this for a long moment, then wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 'You were trying to look out for me. No one's done that in a while.'

Thor turned to look at him. 'I would do anything for you, Bruce. You deserve all the happiness in the world.'

The stab of warmth that went through him had nothing to do with being in Thor's body. Suddenly he was cupping his own face in his hands, his heart beating fast. 'You make me happy,' he said softly. Time hung suspended for a moment, everything hanging in the balance.

Then Thor's hands curled around his wrists. His lips parted. 'Please,' he whispered.

Bruce kissed him. A gentle meeting of mouths that felt like a homecoming, more leisurely than last time. He'd denied it for so long, but he adored the man who'd helped him find the fun in life again. Thor, who had lived for centuries but still got excited by fast food and rock music. Thor, who had always seen Bruce and Hulk as separate people, and somehow befriended them both.

Bruce's hands slid up to tangle in his own dark curls, almost of their own accord. Thor sighed, one hand sliding down Bruce's chest to feel his rapid heartbeat. He'd come so close to losing everything. It scared him, how much he'd grown to care about Thor. How much he needed him.

'You're amazing,' Thor murmured as they drew apart for breath. 'I don't think you know just how much you mean to me.'

A lump formed in his throat. Bruce breathed his name against his lips and then they were kissing in earnest, as though afraid they'd never get the chance again.

It should have felt wrong, Bruce thought distantly as he drew his arms around Thor and pulled him closer until they were chest-to-chest. But he wasn't kissing himself, he was kissing Thor. And once you got over the whole finding-yourself-devastatingly-handsome thing, the rest of it... wasn't so different.

Thor's breaths had grown shallower. The hands on Bruce's back tightened, grabbing fistfuls of his t-shirt. And when Bruce broke the kiss to gently scrape his teeth down the soft skin of his own neck, he shivered. 'That feels... really good.'

Desire curled in his gut, startling in its intensity. He sank his teeth into his collarbone and was rewarded with a growl. Thor shifted in Bruce's grip, his crotch now resting against his hip. Half-hard already. He leaned in close to whisper in Bruce's ear, warm breath tickling the sensitive skin. 'Take that stupid shirt off.'

The commanding tone did very interesting things to Bruce's current body, and he laughed as he complied, tossing it over his shoulder. He glanced down at his toned chest. Some guys would kill to look like this.

He looked up, and Thor's dark eyes were glittering with lust. They stared at each other, breathing hard. 'This is happening kinda fast,' said Bruce.

Thor nodded, also looking a little stunned. 'Is that alright?'

'Yeah - definitely alright.' Bruce mentally checked himself. He was a little nervous at what might be to come, but he trusted Thor. He felt safe. And his body was positively aching for it, if the swollen lump in his straining sweatpants was anything to go by. 'But what about you?' He remembered Thor was still wearing his hospital gown. 'Isn't this... a bit too soon?'

'You underestimate your own healing factor. As long as we're careful, I don't foresee any problems.' He leaned back on the sofa, a noticeable tent where the gown stretched across his thighs.

Bruce breathed in deeply then breathed out slowly. 'Okay, then. Good.'

Thor smiled. 'Good.'

'Should we, uh...' He nodded towards the open door to his bedroom.

Thor shook his head and pulled him down for a kiss. Unlike the last one, it was deeper, lingering. 'I want to bed you right here,' he said hoarsely.

Bruce gulped. 'Wait here.'

He hurried back to his room, nearly tripping over his long legs in his haste. The last bottle of lube had been buried in the rubble of Thor's room, but thankfully there was a spare one hidden away in the sock drawer (Bruce was a man of many hobbies).

The rain continued to fall outside, casting a thick grey cloud over the city. Bruce returned just as Thor was pulling off his gown and -

'They didn't give you any underwear?' he said in bemusement, a little shocked to be face-to-face with his own naked body.

Thor shrugged. 'The Hulk ruined them. I didn't think to ask.'

Bruce kicked off the last of his clothing and straddled Thor's lap. 'You know what you're doing, right?' He handed him the bottle. 'This isn't something I'd normally do.' At least there'd be no danger of a certain enormous green third wheel showing up.

Thor smiled. 'If it's my body, it'll remember. Don't worry.' He paused to kiss him softly. Bruce absently noticed how dry his lips were. Then a cool finger was circling his hole and yep, Thor's body knew exactly how this was going down.

He groaned as the first finger went in, and saw his own cock harden in response. He'd fantasised about this so many times... never about being on the receiving end, though.

His own body would have hated this. So Bruce couldn't believe how good it felt to be stretched out and slowly filled, encouraged by Thor's reassuring whispers. He held tightly to the back of the sofa and let Thor take care of him until he was shaking from repressed need.

Before long Thor was three fingers in and nearly knuckle-deep, and Bruce's dick was as proud as the front of a ship. He'd long since stopped trying to muffle the broken noises coming out of his mouth, the very sounds he'd once dreamed of hearing.

'Do you want to try?' Thor all but groaned in his ear.

'Yeah.' Bruce lay down on the sofa, pulling Thor down on top of him. His thoughts were a haze, focused only on where their naked bodies were pressed together. 'Go easy on me.' As Thor smiled down at him, Bruce felt a double pang of affection. His mind, which cared deeply for Thor, and his body, which loved Bruce's unashamedly. He ran his fingers through those dark curls, brushed a thumb along his stubble. 'I'm ready,' he whispered.

Thor pushed in slowly, letting him get accustomed to the feeling. His brown eyes never left his face, though they grew unfocused and a sigh escaped his parted lips. 'Is this alright?'

'Yeah - fuck.' He let his head fall back, letting out a surprised breath. 'How did we fuck this up so badly last time?'

Thor chuckled. 'I could write you a list.' He pulled out slightly then pushed in deeper, slow-fucking him until he'd loosened up. 'We probably should have discussed it more beforehand.' With a grunt, he finally pushed in all the way and hit something deep that sent ripples of pleasure through his shaking body. 'Ow - Bruce, be careful.'

Bruce hadn't realised how hard he was gripping his shoulders. 'Sorry. That's so - I didn't know Asgardians even had -  _oh._ '

Thor smirked as he started thrusting for real and Bruce stopped analysing it.

The apartment had felt so empty without Thor. Now Bruce's world was full again, punctuated with triumphant gasps and the rhythmic creak of the sofa. He thought he'd known Thor, back before all this had started. Thunder god, warrior, prince, who bowed to no one and insisted on taking charge in any situation. Far from it: here, Thor's body had no interest in calling the shots. It craved gentleness, soft teasing touches. Thor knew this; his hands skated down Bruce's sides, his mouth planting warm kisses down his neck. And it was driving Bruce  _wild._

'You're perfect,' Thor growled as Bruce scraped his nails down his back, increasing his pace and fucking him deeper into the sofa. He was beautiful, Bruce thought absently, and realised just how much Thor loved him. Maybe he'd always known. But Thor's body so openly adored Bruce's: every movement, every expression. It was fierce and unconditional and protective. The strength of it was almost overwhelming -

And then he was himself again, he was clutching Thor’s hips as he pounded into his wet hole and Thor was moaning beneath him.

‘Don’t stop,’ Thor gasped, fingers tangling in Bruce' hair. 'Please don't stop...' His hair was pulling free from its ponytail, his pale face flushed, chest heaving. Bruce had almost forgotten what he looked like, and paused for a moment to admire the view. A powerful, sweat-slicked  _god_ , currently a quivering mess beneath him.

Bruce drew back, grabbed Thor's meaty thighs for a better angle, then slid back in. 'I'm not gonna last long,' he warned, shuddering as Thor clenched greedily around his girth.

His eyes were so blue. The blue of a sunny morning, or the brightest bolt of lightning. 'Good,' he uttered with a smile. Bruce swallowed hard, hunched his hips and increased his pace. Thor wound a hand between them and vigorously stroked himself in time with his thrusts. 'I've thought about this for - so long,' he groaned.

'Oh yeah?' He could feel the end coming, a coiled spring at the base of his spine. 'You wanna know how many times I thought about throwing you in the back seat of the car and fucking you before breakfast?' There were so many dirty fantasies he'd squashed down, never admitted even to himself.. And now they were, and Thor's nails were drawing lines of fire down his buttocks as he whispered his name like a prayer. Bruce leaned down to whisper in his ear, throaty and deep. 'Why don't you show me how much you want this?'

That did it. With a final shudder and a gasp, Thor came apart beneath him, squirting over Bruce's chest. Bruce could only cling on for the ride as Thor’s opening clenched and unclenched rapidly, milking him until he followed him over the edge. He bit down on Thor’s shoulder and rode it out, finishing up with nabbing little thrusts until he was utterly spent. He pulled out carefully and collapsed on top of him, panting.

Then Thor was laughing breathlessly and he was too, boneless and exhausted. ‘Are you alright?’

Bruce attempted a yes, but all he could manage was an 'Ungh.' He'd just had sex with  _Thor_. And not just tentative, "okay" sex, but  _really good sex_. It was a fact he was struggling to get his brain around. He rested his head on Thor's chest. 'I'm okay. Ow! Actually...' As the euphoria faded, he finally noticed how beaten-up his body was. His ankle throbbed, his shoulder ached, his back ached...

'Sorry.' Thor curled an arm around him, tracing soothing circles into his back. 'That fight took a lot out of me - er, you.' The god's heart beat out a steady rhythm, his breaths growing slower.

He yawned. 'It sucks being mortal again.' He'd move in a minute, face the reality of what they'd just done. But he felt so warm and safe in Thor's arms... 

The next thing he knew, he was being carried across the room. He caught sight of their reflection in the window; Thor's long, naked body making long strides across the room as he cradled Bruce's in his arms. 'Shower?' he murmured.

Bruce laughed. 'It'd ruin the cast.'

'Fair point.' He deposited him on the bed instead, popping out to the bathroom and returning with a damp cloth. He was too tired to feel embarrassed as Thor gently cleaned him up, a look of concentration on his pale features. When he saw Bruce staring at him, he smiled. 'What is it?'

'I missed that face. The other one didn't suit you.' He yawned and rubbed a hand over his face, appreciating the scratch of stubble. 'What did they give you, morphine? My head's spinning...'

'Just lie there.' Thor pulled the blanket up over him, hand drifting up to stroke the back of his neck. 'Rest.'

Bruce didn't need telling twice. 'You joining me?' he asked, closing his eyes.

The hand stilled. 'Do you want me to?' Thor asked carefully.

They needed to talk about this. About what it meant for their friendship and whether or not it changed things... but not right now. 'Yeah.' He sleepily pulled on Thor's arm. 'I don't wanna think right now. I don't wanna say something I'll regret.' He wasn't sure he trusted his own judgement currently, after a broken ankle, pain meds, and some very enthusiastic sex. 'Can we... deal with this tomorrow?'

There was a long silence. Then the covers were being drawn back and a warm weight settled beside him. 'We can talk whenever you're ready to,' Thor said softly.

Too drunk on meds to care, Bruce shifted over and leaned his head on Thor's chest, cheek pressed against his big heart. 'Stick around?' he yawned.

A big hand tousled his hair. 'Always.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does top!Bruce work so well tho


	8. Should I Stay or Should I Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce has a decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, not quite the last chapter. There's an epilogue after this!  
> (seriously remember when this fic was 10k cuz i don't)

It was almost a relief to be stared at again. 

Bruce carefully swung down the corridor on his crutches, wary of catching his plastered ankle on the doorways. Students bustled around him, a few pausing to gawp. He didn't care. It was a return to normality; he could deal with a few stares.

He reached the university cafeteria, where a familiar face lingered near the entrance. She beamed when she saw him. 'Doctor Banner, hi!' Then she saw the crutches and her face fell. 'I saw what happened on the news, I'm so sorry.'

'I've been worse.' He tucked one crutch under his arm to shake her hand. 'And just Bruce is fine.'

She smiled. 'Nice to meet the real you this time. You like coffee, right?'

Bruce's heart leapt. 'I love coffee.' He wasn't quite sure he could forgive Thor's body for disliking it.

Jane insisted on buying the drinks and carrying them over to the table. If there was one thing scientists could bond over it was their appreciation for all things dark and caffeinated. 'So, the theory.' She pulled out her notebook, lips pressed together with excitement. 'Here's what I'm thinking...'

It should have been awkward, having coffee with Thor's ex. But once they started talking his worries eased. He could see why Thor liked her: Jane's eyes lit up when she talked about particle physics, hands gesticulating so much she nearly upset her coffee. Even Bruce, who didn't take to people easily, found himself smiling along with her. It felt good to talk science with someone who could keep up with him. Her theory was brilliant; it married together his own ideas with hers seamlessly, and would undoubtedly cause some ripples in the academic world. He’d forgotten how good it felt to – as Clint put it – “go full nerd”.

'And I'm sure we can secure funding from the department to do some further research,' she finished before taking a sip from her third cup.

Bruce stared down at her notebook, which was a mix of his neat cursive and her spiky scribbles. 'This could really work,' he said in wonder. 'I have some equipment back at Stark Tower we could use, too.'

'Great. I'll see if I can pull some strings here.' There was finally a pause in the conversation, the subject exhausted for now.

Bruce's phone lit up with a text, and the name on the screen caused a flutter of warmth in Bruce’s chest, followed by an uncomfortable clench. Betty Ross.

_It's done. They moved things quickly to save government face. Twenty years without parole._

Her father was in jail. Because of Bruce. He sighed and typed back:  _I'm so sorry._ 'The hearing was today. Betty's pretty torn up.'

Jane winced. 'That's hard for her. But what happened wasn't your fault.'

He stared down at the screen, feeling like shit all the same.

'I met her once, a couple years ago. Not long after the Avengers got together. She was nice.'

The last time Bruce had seen her was Harlem. He'd sent her an email explaining the Avengers thing, and she'd told him to go do some good. There had been no suggestion of meeting up, and in a way he'd been relieved. After that he'd decided not to date anyone again. 'How was she?'

‘She seemed happy. She was really pleased for you.’

'Did you uh, trade stories?'

She chuckled. 'A little. I told her about Thor. We'd both been following the news. She said you'd found your people.'

Bruce's heart warmed. 'I have,' he said softly. It felt like a very personal thing to admit, that he'd found a pocket of stability and happiness he hadn't enjoyed in... too long.

Betty replied to his message.  _He always saw you as his project. Had to happen in the end. He hasn't been my dad for years._

'How’s Thor doing? Now that you solved your weird bodyswap thing?’

‘Uh, he's... he's fine.’ Bruce felt weirdly guilty. In actual fact, he hadn’t seen much of Thor since the morning after they'd changed back. Bruce had told him he needed space, and for the last few days Thor had done just that. Apart from the occasional smile at breakfast he’d kept to his word. ‘I haven’t seen him much lately.’

She nodded, eyes on him as if she knew what he was thinking. 'When Ross took you in... was it him in there? Or did you change back before that?'

'It was Thor.' He wiggled his toes inside the cast and was rewarded with a dull throb of pain. 'He did a pretty good job of busting out first, though.'

Then a warm hand was resting on his. 'Thank you,' she said quietly.

Bruce's face warmed and he knew he was blushing. He nodded and stared down at his phone until she'd pulled away.

Betty texted again. _Don't blame yourself, I know what you're like. I'll be fine. Looks like you have good friends, stick with them x_

Bruce swallowed. 'Can I ask you a personal question?'

Jane drew back a little, curling her hand around her coffee cup, but her gaze met his steadily. 'Okay.'

'Why did you two break up?'

Her eyes widened briefly, then she looked away. 'Um...'

'I'm sorry, that wasn't very professional of me.' He mentally kicked himself for making things awkward. 'Forget I asked.'

'No, it's okay. It's not a secret or anything.' She relaxed a little, looking thoughtful. 'It was little things, at first. We'd agree to have dinner then he'd be off saving the world before the waiter seated us.' She sighed. 'We knew any kind of relationship would be difficult. We could pretend for a bit. But try having a long-distance relationship with a guy who doesn't own a phone.'

He nodded. 'Must have been hard.'

'But it wasn't that. Not really. In the end... Thor cares. Deeply. Family, friends, relationships. There is no lukewarm with him. And I think he cared a little too much.' She stirred her coffee and watched the froth spinning. 'I'm only a fragile little human. He wanted to keep me safe, but we couldn't both do our jobs anymore. I didn't want protecting. In the end it felt like he was checking on me instead of visiting me.'

Bruce nodded, swallowing hard. 'Guess it's a painful subject.'

‘Not anymore. We split up ages ago.’ The corners of her lips tilted in a slight smile. ‘I did the dumping.’

Bruce hid a smile of his own in his coffee cup. “Mutual dumping” had been the phrase Thor had used.

‘Anyway, I'm doing great right now. This is right where I want to be. So there’s no sour grapes between us.’ The last sentence seemed pointed, and she was watching Bruce as if waiting for a reaction. ‘It would be good for him to find someone.’

Shit. Bruce could feel the words forming in his throat: the hasty denial, the insistence that he didn't do that sort of thing. He met her gaze and swallowed the excuses back down.

My turn to ask a question.' Jane's eyes were as piercing as Thors, only green. 'Are you two... together?'

An awkward laugh escaped him. 'It's complicated.'

'Always is with him.' She smiled sadly.

In the silence that followed, he fidgeted with his hands and searched for something to say.

His phone lit up again. An unknown number.  _arre yii stil L There.._

He dismissed the notification. 'Wrong number,' he muttered. 'So er, did Thor tell you?'

She shook her head. ‘I know Thor. Even when he’s in someone else’s body. And I know he’s got a type.’

Bruce blinked. ‘A type?’

‘Yeah. He likes science people.’ She sat back in her chair, clicking her pen. ‘Okay, that’s an understatement. He likes geniuses.’

That drew a snort out of him. 'You haven't seen him with Tony.' The two had never truly clicked, though Thor had learned not to take Tony's teasing to heart. After the bunker fight, they seemed to be spending more time together than they used to.

Another text, from the same sender.  _hEllo iam ioiutside!!_

'I've followed the news about you over the years. And I know what going into that bunker meant for you.'

‘We, uh.’ He cleared his throat and looked down at the table, tracing the deep grooves in the wood. ‘Needed some space. To figure things out.’ It felt odd to be talking of such things with a near stranger. But somehow it was easy talking to Jane. Someone who wasn’t an Avenger. These days, with Hulk rarely on the rampage, he felt more like a Jane than an Iron Man.

Jane nodded sympathetically, glancing down as his phone flashed yet again. 'Do you need to answer that?'

Bruce picked up his phone, ready to pen a politely worded "fuck off", then froze.

_rBuce!! It s thor iam o  oitside if yuu want to wsllk backtgrethrr??_

Thesmile that spread across his face was completely involuntary. 'I uh, I'd better go.'

'Is it him? _Thor_ texted you?' Jane looked incredulous. 'Wow. Okay, whatever you do, hold onto him. I'm serious. Nothing I ever did would convince him to get a phone.'

'Oh, Tony could.' Bruce remembered how shaken he'd been to learn that Thor was missing. He slipped it into his pocket and grabbed his crutches from where they'd been leaning against a vacant chair.

'I'll be in touch once we've figured out the funding situation.' She walked with him to the corridor outside the canteen, then they realised they were headed in opposite directions. 'It's been great to meet you properly, Bruce.' They shook hands again, warmly this time. 'Don't be a stranger.'

Bruce smiled. It was nice to feel like someone was on his side. 'Thanks. I won't.'

Jane cleared her throat. 'Thor's a great guy. You just need to know what you're signing up for.'

'Yeah.' The phone felt warm in his pocket. He wondered if he'd been mobbed by adoring students yet.

'Seriously though, whatever you decide to do, I'm behind you. I think he needs a smartass to keep him on his toes.'

Bruce laughed. 'I'll see you around, Jane.'

'Bye, Bruce.'

As she headed off down the corridor, Bruce pulled out his phone to reply to Thor.  _I'm afraid I don't know an rBuce. But Bruce is leaving now. Are you at the main entrance?_

The reply was immediate.  _yès!!thus. Fone is tii smsll. For mymighhty Asgardin hands_

Grinning, he pocketed it before he was tempted to reply with something dirty. It had been nearly a week since they'd properly spoken; he'd missed his breakfast buddy.

Thor was sitting in the lobby, deep in serious conversation with a girl of about six. She was chewing on a strand of hair as he regaled her with a tale.

'And then I disguised myself as a bride - with the dress and veil and everything. Loki made a very good bridesmaid. And the frost giants thought I was my mother! I got Mjolnir back, of course. They suspected nothing, even when I ate a whole ox...'

'That one actually happened?' said Bruce in amused disbelief.

Thor looked up and his face lit up. 'Bruce! Lucy, this is Bruce. The clever one I told you about, remember?'

The girl nodded mutely and offered him a shy smile. And Bruce was definitely not welling up.

'Go on, back to your mother,' he said gently, and the girl scampered back behind the reception desk, where a bespectacled woman beamed at them. He smiled at Bruce. 'Shall we?'

He'd got the hang of the crutches by now, but they still made his arms ache after a while. They headed through the grounds. 'So you finally got a phone?'

Thor grimaced and held it up. 'Tony made me. After the whole kidnapping thing. He said I needed it. But it's so small, look! You'd need baby hands to use one...'

'I can use one,' Bruce deadpanned, delighted to watch him squirm a little.

'Well, you don't have baby hands, erm, your hands are - are fine.' He coughed.

Bruce sighed. 'Come on.' He led them off the path, through a gap in the trees. The day was cool and cloudy, and most students were returning from lunch, so there was no one around as he took them to a hidden garden area. Benches crouched under an umbrella of cherry blossoms, petals strewn over the grass. Now it was his turn to feel awkward. It wasn't supposed to look romantic, but he supposed it would do. There was a lead weight in his gut that grew heavier with every step until they were sitting side-by-side on the bench, avoiding eye contact.

'I know you wanted space,' Thor blurted suddenly. 'I just didn't want you to think I was purposefully avoiding you.'

'No, it's fine.' Bruce plucked a petal off his knee and rolled it between his fingers. 'I wanted to talk to you.' Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Thor was watching him, waiting patiently for him to continue. Communication. That was supposed to be important in relationships, wasn't it? 'I don't do relationships anymore.' His voice was steady, that was good. 'It always ends badly. With Betty... she nearly died because of me. And now her dad's in jail.'

The hand at Thor's side curled into his fist. 'Ross brought his own fate upon him -'

'Not my point. Without me, it wouldn't have happened. People who get close to me get hurt.'

He nodded slowly, gaze fixed on a bird pecking around the shrubbery. 'Is that the only reason?'

He huffed in disbelief. 'You need more?'

'I have seen Hulk in action. Now you have too. Tell me he isn't different from how he used to be.'

Bruce had filled him in on the conversation he'd had with his alter-ego. It was true they'd reached an understanding these days. 'I could still hurt people.'

'But we all live together, regardless of our relationship.' He finally looked at him, and there was a knowing look in his eyes. 'Jane knew the risks when she and I got together. I'm sure Betty did too.'

Bruce winced. 'I was normal when we met. But later... yeah, I guess so.'

'Plusn I'm considerably more durable than your average mortal.' He winked, and Bruce couldn't help but smile. 'Oh, I found this. Wanted to show you.' From his jacket pocket, he produced a crumpled newspaper clipping.

 

_HULK IS WORTHY?_

_He may be better known for being green, mean and obscene, but earlier this week Dr. Bruce Banner was seen breaking out of a high-security facility after being captured by an ex-military general. CCTV footage appears to show fellow Avenger Thor assisting in his rescue. Stranger still, Banner appears to be wielding Mjolnir, the legendary hammer that can only be wielded by the worthy. General Thaddeus Ross was arrested at the scene and is expected to undergo a formal investigation into his past methods. We were unable to reach Banner for comment, but it seems he is a capable Avenger even without his big green buddy to bail him out._

 

‘That’s… wow.’ Bruce read it twice. ‘They barely even mention Hulk. That’s a nice change.’

‘It’s time they acknowledged the brilliant man behind him.’

He snorted. ‘Well technically that was you wielding the hammer.’

‘I wouldn’t have escaped there without you,’ said Thor softly. ‘Hammer or no hammer. If you hadn’t arrived in time, I would have Hulked out and brought the whole building down.’ He leaned back. ‘The weight of him in your mind… I could barely contain him when I was you. You have a strength in you, Bruce. One that far exceeds my own.’

The sincerity in his voice brought a lump to his throat. 'You know, I didn't think the other guy was capable of feeling anything but anger.' His fingers twisted together in his lap. 'But he told me he was protecting you. Because he knows I care about you.'

Thor's hand was warm on his wrist, silently calming his clenching fingers. 'Do you know what he calls me? Tiny Avenger.'

He laughed. 'He's got a sense of humour.' His hand curled over the top of Thor's. It wouldn't be like Betty. Thor understood him better than anyone else. 'I missed you,' he said, and from the tightening of Thor's fingers the undercurrent of his words was not lost on him.

'Nothing has to change Bruce,' Thor said gently. 'We can stay the friends we have always been and never mention this again. Or remember it fondly but never act further on it. I am not such an easy friend to lose.'

Bruce had not lived a particularly happy life. Always looking over his shoulder for his abusive father, then Ross and the other guy. He'd learned to be cautious around happiness. He distrusted it, distanced himself from it, in fear it would be taken away. But now he had safety, and space, and a family who understood him. He'd found his people. And staring into Thor's eyes, he accepted that after everything, after finally making peace with Hulk, perhaps he deserved some happiness of his own.

So he cupped Thor's face in his hands and kissed him.

Thor froze in surprise for half a second, then eagerly kissed him back, one strong arm curling around his waist. Bruce's world shrank to their little bench and the brush of Thor's hand on his cheek, the warm press of lips on his. A few weeks ago, he would have questioned everything: why him? Was he seriously worthy of this attention? But he'd been in Thor's head. And he knew exactly how much he was cared for.

A gust of wind sent a cascade of petals floating down. Bruce laughed as he brushed them out of Thor's hair, warmth rising to his cheeks.

'You're sure?' said Thor softly, still smiling.

Bruce cocked his head to one side, not moving from their embrace. 'Maybe one more try, just to be certain?'

Thor chuckled and leaned in. It was hard to kiss properly when neither of them could stop smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Thor's tale sounds familiar, that's because it's an actual Norse myth! (Just search for Thor Bride, you'll find it.) I really wish there were more fics where Betty/Jane/Darcy/Bruce are all friends doing Science together.  
> (Jane Foster ships GammaHammer pass it on)


	9. Epilogue: The Boys Are Back in Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WAFFLEBURGER TIME

Thor woke him with kisses.

In the warm stillness of Bruce's room, lips brushed along the nape of his neck whilst a hand wandered down his chest. Bruce yawned, relishing the feel of a smooth chest against his back. 'Morning,' he mumbled, snuggling further under the covers.

Firmer kisses along his jaw. 'It's afternoon, actually.'

He smiled and opened his eyes. 'We were up late last night.'

'Indeed.' The weight behind him shifted, and then Thor's face leaned into view to press a final kiss to the corner of his mouth. 'I didn't want to miss breakfast though.' His hand slid down Bruce's chest and settled on his hip.

Of course. Saturday. It had been too long since their last breakfast drive. This time it actually would be a date.

Thor's thumb began tracing circles over his hipbone. Despite his sleepiness, Bruce's body was quickly waking up under his touch. The relationship was in its early days - or what Tony liked to call the "fucking like bunnies" stage.

Bruce reached behind him and ran a hand down Thor's warm, bare thigh. 'Five more minutes?' he mumbled.

Five minutes of casual touching turned into five minutes of more serious touching, which culminated in Thor kneeling between Bruce's legs to press kisses against his trembling thighs. Bruce exhaled shakily, causing him to huff a warm laugh against the moistened skin. The sunlight streaming between the curtains brought out the gold in his hair as he raised his head to smile at him. 'Enjoying yourself?'

Bruce met his gaze readily, aware that his cheeks were warm. 'I hope that's a rhetorical question.'

'Mmm.' He was still smiling as he returned to work, pointedly ignoring the swelling result of his efforts. He traced the dark, jagged lines down Bruce's thighs, then crawled up the bed to kiss the marks on his belly, his shoulders, his elbows. 'You're beautiful,' he whispered into the crook of his neck.

Bruce remembered when they'd showered together. It felt like months ago. He brushed his fingers down those pale, muscular arms, and could just make out the faint lightning scars. Thor's body leaned over his, not quite touching him in the places he really wanted to be touched. Over the last few days, they'd had time to learn what the other liked - in the right bodies, this time. It was nice to slow down a little, not have to think about things so much.

He finally moaned softly as Thor kissed his throat and pressed their bodies together. 'I love hearing you,' he purred. 'Let me take care of you?'

The hunger in his voice caused him to spread his legs a little wider - then wince at the throb of pain in his ankle. 'Mind the leg,' he murmured, then lifted Thor's head with a finger under his chin. He planted a kiss on his nose, then a lingering one on his mouth.

Thor propped himself up on his elbows and began a slow, lazy frot, his heavy cock sliding over Bruce's. With his blond hair mussed from sleep and his fair skin flushed with excitement, he could have been a mortal man. Well, a mortal man with a good few centuries of bedroom experience.

Bruce could hear his own breaths growing stuttery. Pre-come gathered between them, intensifying the sensation of Thor rutting against him.

'Don't stop,' he growled, and Thor shivered above him. It fascinated him that a god could enjoy bring commanded in bed. Bruce grasped Thor's hips, feeling the muscles working under his thumbs. It sounded as if Thor was fighting for breath - he had to be close.

Then Thor's mouth devoured his with ravenous kisses that stole his breath and devoured all ability to think. Bruce held him tightly as his deep, satisfied groans filled the room and he spurted hot and fast between them. The thrusts slowed, not quite enough to pull Bruce over the edge with him.

Bruce threw his head back 'Fuck - bite me.' It came out more of a plea than an order. Still, Thor obliged, sinking his teeth into the tendon between neck and shoulder with just enough pressure to hurt. And then Bruce was shuddering and whispering his name as he lost all control, clinging to Thor's broad shoulders until the aftershocks had passed.

They slumped back down on the bed. Bruce rested his head on Thor's chest as he caught his breath. 'I think I'm ready to go back to sleep,' he slurred.

Thor kissed his forehead and stroked his hair thoughtfully. 'That was how it should have been. The first time.'

Bruce yawned. 'I'll take it as a second. Well, a fourth.' He frowned. 'Fifth?' Thor chuckled in his ear. 'I really need a coffee.'

Thor hummed. 'Five more minutes?'

 

An hour later, they got out of bed. Bruce washed and dressed quickly and left Thor to shower, stopping off at the communal kitchen to make a quick cup of coffee.

'And what time do you call this?' quipped a familiar voice as he took his first sip.

Bruce smiled and turned around. 'Good morning to you too.'

Tony scoffed. 'It's two pm.' He headed for the fridge and started digging out cartons of eggs. 'Late night?'

Bruce chose not to dignify that with a response, hiding a smile behind a large gulp of coffee.

When he didn't get an answer, Tony turned back and gave him an appraising stare. 'You are the living definition of the cat that got the cream.'

'Who says we didn't just stay up late talking, like most couples do?' he said innocently.

'Uh, that hickey for starters. And is that a bite mark I see?' Tony's smirk became a grin as Bruce blushed and fumbled to fasten his top shirt buttons. 'Hey, I'm happy for you guys. Just don't blow anything up in the lab when you start daydreaming about your sparkly boyfriend.'

'Because I of all people need to be reminded about self-control,' he bit back, secretly thrilled at Tony's casual use of "boyfriend". That was what they were now, wasn't it?

Tony turned back to the fridge, resuming his search. 'How's that leg of yours holding up? Maybe we should stick some repulsors on there. Robo-cast. See how fast you can go. Rocket-powered wheelchair! Could make it hover and everything. Proper evil genius vibe.'

'You don't need to do anything for me, Tony,' he said gently, curling his fingers around his mug.

'I know.' He straightened up, block of cheese in hand. 'But I gotta look out for my science bro.' They bumped elbows as he passed and started clattering about with the stove. Since the kidnapping, they hadn't quite been the same around each other. Bruce knew he still felt guilty about letting him go in there alone. 'So do I need to ask him what his intentions are? Because I will kick his ass if he ain't treatin you right.'

'We're fine, he assured him, carefully hobbling over to watch him cook.

Tony paused, egg in hand. 'Are _we_?' he asked lightly.

Bruce nodded. 'We are.'

A small, genuine smile lit up Tony's face, then he resumed cracking eggs. 'Good. Now make yourself useful and grate some cheese.' And just like that they were back to normal. 'Oh, there was something I wanted to ask you. Very important question - '

'No I will not help you to install toaster slots into the Iron Man suit. You asked me yesterday and the answer's still no.'

Tony huffed. 'Think of the possibilities for a mid-battle snack! But no, different question.' He set down the spatula and steepled his fingers together, staring at Bruce as though trying to read his mind. 'How come the Avengers' biggest nerd can ride a motorbike?’

Bruce set down his cup and hung his head in shame. ‘I uh, may have had a rebellious teenage phase.’

'No. No way. I'm not buying that. You must have learned it from a _book_ , maybe got a PhD in road safety first -'

'I had the leather jacket, the sunglasses, the boots, I listened to punk...'

' _Please_ tell me there are photos of this. I will build you a goddam hoverbike if you can get me photos.'

'Oh, absolutely not. Those days are long behind me.' Though it had been strangely exhilarating to ride a bike again. Nearly thirty years later, he hadn't forgotten how. Perhaps he'd do it again sometime.

The smell of cheesy omelettes pervaded the kitchen. Strange how such a huge, luxurious space could feel cosy. Bruce hadn't realised just how comfortable he'd become in Stark Tower. He had Tony to thank for that.

'It smells delicious in here.' Thor wandered into the kitchen, nodding towards the bubbling eggs.

'I'm not just a pretty face. You boys want omelettes?'

Bruce recognised a peace offering when he saw one. Tony didn't exactly do apologies, but he was making an effort. 'Thanks Tony, but it's Saturday.'

'Oh, I forgot.' He rolled his eyes. 'So you're telling me you've had weekly breakfast dates for months but you never even got to first base? Unbelievable.'

'I'm classy, I guess.' Bruce smiled back at his... boyfriend. Thor was wearing his favourite grey hoodie and jeans. His ponytail was still damp from the shower and  _wow_ he really was dating a god.

'There's a difference between playing hard to get and being totally oblivious.' Tony's eyes sparked with amusement. 'You take good care of him Twinkle Toes, or you'll have me to answer to.' 

Beaming, Thor swooped in to plant a tender, lingering kiss on Bruce's cheek. 'He is very dear to me,' he said softly. 'You have nothing to fear, Tony.' And Bruce couldn't hide the happy blush that spread across his face.

'You guys make me sick. Go on, get outta here. Be back by midnight, don't talk to strangers, yadda yadda.'

It was a long walk just to reach the entrance to Stark Tower. Bruce hadn't realised just how big his home was until he'd had to traverse it on crutches. Tony's second-smallest car (the smallest had been ruined by the magicians) stood waiting at the other end of the driveway. 'I'll catch you up.' After everything that had happened, he figured a broken ankle was a fair price. For now, he was just happy to be alive, back in his own body and back to how things were before.

Well, not quite.

Thor let him get halfway to the car then scooped him up in his arms as if he weighed nothing. Bruce grunted in surprise, the crutches clattering to the ground. 'Uh, I can walk,' he stuttered, instinctively wrapping his arms around Thor’s neck.

Thor just smiled, the smug ass that he was, and carried him bridal-style all the way up the driveway. Bruce’s face warmed with a curious mixture of embarrassment and pride. They were in full view of the road - and Tony, if he was watching the security cameras. Which he probably was. ‘Should I _not_ help you then?’ he asked, blue eyes shining with mischief.

Bruce let himself be carried, marvelling at how someone so strong could be so gentle. It felt nice, to be cared for. It had been too long since he'd had anything like this.

His hand slipped down to grip the collar of Thor's soft grey hoodie, thumb grazing the warm skin of his neck. Thor's steps slowed, then stopped. 'You're sure you wanna do this?’ Bruce asked, not for the first time.

Thor's sigh was a warm puff of air in his ear. 'You need to stop doubting yourself, Bruce Banner. I have never been more sure of anything.' And he pressed a tender kiss to Bruce’s lips, in plain view of whoever might be driving past. Bruce’s careful little heart grew large in his chest, and he had to look away for a moment to blink back the warmth that sprung to his eyes.

Jane had warned him that with Thor there was no halfway. Bruce had lived a difficult and turbulent life. Maybe to be loved fiercely was something he needed. And maybe it was time for him to accept that he deserved to be.

So he tightened his grip on Thor's hoodie and pulled him in for another kiss, pouring all of his unspoken emotion into it. Words were forming in his throat, fuelled by the warmth in his heart. But they were delicate words, and the time wasn’t quite right yet. But Thor knew. Of course he did.

Bruce hummed, leaning his head against Thor’s shoulder. ‘The papers are gonna talk.’

Thor planted a kiss on the top of his head. ‘Let them.’ He lowered him carefully into the car before jogging back to collect the fallen crutches. 'We're not very inconspicuous in this.' It was an updated model of the car they'd crashed, complete with a STARK 11 number plate. He leaned in to kiss Bruce's forehead. 'Shall we?'

Thor sat in the driver’s seat this time, not that it mattered since JARVIS was doing all the driving. Soon they were back to singing along to the legendary GammaHammer playlist (now 327 songs long) and speeding across town.

To make up for their missed outing, Bruce ordered two waffle burgers for each of them. The woman at the counter recognised them and served them up for free. 'You guys saved my brother's life last month. On the house.' She winked. 'Avenger's discount.' They ate them in the car whilst JARVIS drove through the more scenic parts of Manhattan.

'This,' said Thor, frowning down at the burger in his hands, 'is the best Midgardian breakfast I have ever tasted.'

'It's good, right?' The hyper sweetness of the icing contrasted with the grilled beef patty, creating... magic. Bruce was a physicist but even he couldn't explain why it worked. 'We earned these.'

Thor leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes. 'We did.' He scrunched the used wrappers in his fist. 'This is my new favourite place.'

Bruce agreed, gazing at his favourite person as the wind ruffled his long hair. Maybe they should try some GammaHammer dinners, too. Once a week wasn't often enough, and there were plenty of restaurants they hadn't tried yet. For now though, he was content.

'So... where did we leave off last time?' he pondered. 'Oh yeah. Hey JARVIS, play  _Chelsea Dagger.'_

Thor grinned at the now-familiar tune. 'I know the words, now.'

'Good, 'cause I don't.' They bopped along all the same and yelled out the choruses, continuing into  _She's Got Me Dancing_ and  _Hooked on a Feeling._ During  _Bad Case of Loving You,_ Thor leaned over to cup Bruce's face in his hands and kiss him softly. 'I adore you,' he murmured.

And Bruce was happy.

 

* * *

 

_Tony sent a message to Avengey McAvengeface_

**Tony:** Chat's been real quiet lately...

 **Tony:** YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

_Tony Stark posted a link to r/bannerbutt_

**Bruce:**  Thanks, Tony.

 **Nat:** it just opened full screen. I'm in an intelligence meeting rn. Not even mad tbh

 **Tony:** Cute, right? 

 **Bruce:**  Yep, it's funnier every time. If you listen hard enough you'll hear me laughing.

 **Tony:** Did you actually click on the post?

_Tony sent a screenshot._

 

**_So it looks like Bruce Banner and Thor are A Thing???_**

_My brother's a photographer and he was taking some shots of Stark Tower and then this happened. It's a little blurry but it's definitely them. Apparently Thor carried him to the car and they drove off together but like.. they're 100% kissing in the second one???_

_(smite me moderators, you can totally still see his butt and they're cute and I SHIP IT OH NOOO)_

 

 **Bruce:** Oh. Word travels fast.

 **Clint:** wait

 **Clint:** wAiT

 **Clint:** hold up

 **Clint:** YOU GUYS ARE DATING?!??

 **Tony:** the cuddling and shameless pda didn't give it away?

 **Tony:** Where have you BEEN?

 **Clint:** I've been busy dude

 **Clint:** I was away most of the week remember

 **Clint:** assassin stuff

 **Steve:**  Is Tony bullying Bruce again?

 **Tony:** Merely keeping my team informed

 **Bruce:** I'll allow it. Just this once.

 **Clint:** I'm totally making this my phone wallpaper

 **Clint:**  holy shit

 **Clint:**  you guys don't tell me anything

 **Clint:**  I'm so proud of you Doc

 **Clint:**  got urself some sparkly norse ass

 **Clint:**  ask ur boyf if he knowsany hot god girls he can introduce me to

 **Clint:** or y’know, relatives

 **Clint:** im not that picky

 **Thor:**  th ereiis ny Brother llki but ALaas he d oes nnt dAte mooprtals

 **Clint:** !!

 **Steve:** Since when does Thor have a phone?

 **Thor:**  To ony gaveittto Me!!

 **Thor:** 3>

 **Nat:** Um

 **Bruce:** Thor, that’s not a heart.

 **Thor:** 3>>>

 **Thor:** >3

 **Thor:** >3>

 **Thor:** 33333333>

 **Tony:**  Why did I give you that phone again?

 **Thor:** >

 **Thor:** >3

 **Tony:** I'm gonna set your ringtone to Britney Spears

 **Bruce:**  Use the other bracket.

 **Bruce:** <3

 **Thor:** <3

 **Bruce:** <3

 **Thor:** <3

 **Tony:**  Get a rooooom

 **Bruce:** </3

 **Steve:**  I’m happy for you guys. It's about time.

 **Clint:** aight losers, we're celebrating. i want junk food.You dorks free right now?

 **Nat:**  Yup

 **Tony:** I got a gap in my schedule. Are you two still cuddling on the sofa?

 **Bruce:** Actually, I’m in the lab.

 **Thor:** Y es

 **Thor:** No we''rein thelab

 **Bruce:** Okay, we _were_ in the lab…

 **Clint:** Busted

 **Bruce:** But yeah, we’re free. Junk food sounds good.

 **Tony:** I’ve had far too many salads lately. Gotta balance out the carbs.

 **Nat:** Know anywhere good we can try?

 **Bruce:** Actually, I know just the place…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Wow, this ended up way longer than I'd planned but I'm not mad about it. Had an absolute blast writing this. Hope you enjoyed, and thank you to everyone who read/commented/kudos-ed or just skimmed through for the naughty bits ;) Most of this was written on my phone during the commute to work (RIP thumbs) so I hope it raised some smiles.
> 
> If you like Bruce/anyone keep an eye on my profile as I'm planning on doing some ship-hopping (including some stuff for the Science Bros Week prompts) that won't pop up on the Thor/Bruce tag.
> 
> (I have never eaten a waffleburger but now I really wanna try one...)
> 
> Update 8th Nov: I'll be writing some stuff for ThorBruce week 2019 in the coming week or so! Keep an eye out for that ;)


End file.
